March 23, 2026

Beyond the Family Tree: Genograms in Real Life

Beyond the Family Tree: Genograms in Real Life
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Season 1

Have you heard of Genograms? They are the maps of family patterns, pain, and possibility. With them you can see hidden patterns in mental health, addiction, relationships, and careers. It gives an understanding of intergenerational trauma and resilience. Discover strengths and resources that run through the family lines. If you are a mental health professional, a student, or simply curious, we will help guide you into reading and creating genograms in a way that is practical and respectful.

ASharpe Outlook is broadcast live Mondays at 8AM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). ASharpe Outlook TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal, counseling,

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professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services

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of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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Hello, and thank you for tuning in to a Sharp

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Outlook on pay for HD radio and Talk or TV.

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I am Angela Sharp, your host our arm chair discussions

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with industry experts will give you the steps, tools and

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information to be successful in business and to prepare you

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to be your best self. Hello, I'm Angela Sharp, and

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welcome to a Sharp Outlook. And today we are going

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to talk about our families and genealogy and beyond that

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family tree of just names and dates and certificates, but

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we're going to get into genograms in real life. And

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have you heard of genograms? They are the maps or

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of patterns, pain and possibility. With them, you can see

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hidden patterns in mental health, addiction, relationships, and careers. It

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gives an understanding of intergenerational trauma and resilience. They help

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make sense of family secrets, cut offs, and loyalties. Let's

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discover strengths and resources that run through our family lines.

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Whether you are a mental health professional, a student simply

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curious about your family, today, we will guide you step

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by step. Okay, I'll say our guest, well, guide do

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step by step into reading and creating genograms in a

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way that is practical, respectful, and deeply human. Today we

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have Christine Stensland, a relational leader, nonprofit founder, and co

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founder and CEO of genograms dot com. I'm inviting Christine

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to join us on a sharp to talk about genograms

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and how they can change the patterns or how you

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look at family and how you can find out about

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how they were able to succeed in different issues, their problems,

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and their successes. So Christine, come join me.

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Hello, good morning, Well, good morning where I am. I'm

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assuming its morning wherever we're across.

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So I'm not sure if our audience has heard a

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lot about genograams. So how would you explain to genogram

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to someone who has never heard of it before.

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Well, that's easy because I had never heard of one

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up until about seven or eight years ago. So Actually,

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I'm going to start with Angel. I've listened to your

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last two podcasts just in preparation for this, and it

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was interesting because both guests brought up systems and humanization

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is the center of you know, medical care too, And

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what I want to start with is that the family

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is a system, right, And so when I explain what

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a system is, we think of all kinds of different systems.

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You know, you have your body as a system. But

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I like to say, like when we're driving our car

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and all of a sudden your car veers to the right,

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You don't blame your steering wheel. You recognize that there's

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something else in the behind the steering wheel, be a

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flat tire or your alignment, it is causing the whole

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system to veer to the right. And justly, the family

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is a system and we're interconnected. Or if you are

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a visual person and you don't know what's behind the

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car when you're running it, think of a spider web, right.

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A spider web is how everybody's connected, and the spider

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creates this big, huge thing that has all these individual lines.

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And if you tear out a part of that spider web,

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it changes, it might not hold its integrity. Something has happened,

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but it's all a system, and so I want to

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start with it. The family is a system, and how

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I understood and got into druce to genograms is actually

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a PowerPoint. And so when my husband and I, so

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I said, seven years, but just hang on, I'm going

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to tell the story here. So over twenty years ago,

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my husband and I attended a conference because we were

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getting remarried to each other and we each had children,

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and my husband is a researcher, so he had to

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do the research of what is this going to look like?

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How are we going to navigate having a step or

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blended family. And we went to a conference and the

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speaker put up on a PowerPoint slide a visual of

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what the reality is of a family system when you

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have a multi household family for children. And so that

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means that my children are running going to their my

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ex husband's house, my husband's children going to his ex

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wife's house. They have families in different homes. And so

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this PowerPoint like illuminated all these things and said, you

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think your family is just those six for us, six

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people living in one house, but it's really a system

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that includes this house over here where my boys. I

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have biological boys have other siblings, step siblings, half siblings.

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The girls had other stepsister, had another step parent on

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both sides, and so their family reality was very different.

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So our system actually included those other families because when

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something happened at either one of those houses emotionally, mentally, physically, financially,

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it impacted us. And so we've really when we saw

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the picture, it framed for us what we were walking into. Well,

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what happened is I didn't know that was called a

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genogram my backgrounds and healthcare and nonprofit management like not

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mental health, health or social services. And so for us though,

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it just helped us see the reality that we were

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living in. It helped us understand that we weren't something

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wasn't wrong with us when we blended or created this

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step family, because there's some challenges when you have a

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complex family structure. And it also gave us words. And

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then we also knew resources because we had seen this

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in real life. Fast forward and we started saying, how

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do we make that PowerPoint more readily available to others?

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And we created software for that. But what happened is

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mental health professionals said, wait a minute, I don't want

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you just to show. I learned that in school. I

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learned what's called a genogram, which is usually traditionally has

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been taught in schools to show three generations of who's

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in the family, how they get along, intergenerational patterns of behavior.

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That could be addiction, it could be graduation from college,

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it could be cancer. It could be like, what are

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those unique attributes that are in families and how do

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we show them so we understand the system and how

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does it come down? And that is honestly the first

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time I heard the word genogram in context that way,

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I had seen the picture. It was valuable for our

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lived experience, and we had created this first software for

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primarily just blended families. But then clinicians were the ones now,

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So then I started learning about genograms and how literally

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they were developed so that mental health professionals in particular

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could understand why is Christine coming into my office today,

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how do we unpack how do I understand who's who's

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in the system today, what informed her system into why

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she's here today, and then how do we move forward

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to maybe improve the wellness or you know, whatever that

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is that's causing her some challenges today, So how do

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we see it, understand it, and forward? So all that

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to say, think you mentioned genealogy, right, it's like your

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family tree with some real big mental health constructs, Just

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to say, how do we understand what we're seeing? Not

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just who was there, when they were there, what their

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titles were. You know, it's super interesting to go back

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far far back, but really what's impacting that family and

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that family system that can collectively work toward wellness? And

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I'll call it relational intelligence? Right, how do we understand

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how to make this family as strong as possible given

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you know, the pattern to which they came for. So

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that's probably a little confusing, but just think your family

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tree with some other information so you can understand how

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you got here and where we go forward, where we

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go next?

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Oh well, I mean that is really interesting and exciting.

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I did my genealogy and there's like almost twenty one

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hundred people.

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Yet a lot I mean a lot of pieces of paper.

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Yeah yeah, And I was like, gosh, there's so many

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people having so many babies. What's going on here? And

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it wasn't like there was like a lot of rich people.

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So I was like, you know, I was just having

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lots of babies. So I mean, I saw some of

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those things, but I never thought of, you know, marking

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that down to see how it impacts you know, And

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I know, I know when you you go to the doctor,

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they're always wanting to know what's your you know, genealogy,

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what's your ethics you know, you know, ethnicity and things

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like that because of certain health patterns and stuff. But

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even emotional patterns and thought processes and things like that

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are just cultural teachings are probably in those genograms when

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you started doing it, what was one of the first

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things that surprised you when you begin creating your genogram?

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So when we did our personal one, what was really

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interesting to us. So again I'm going to go back

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to I want to give just one quick part of history.

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This started on paper. So when this was first rolled

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out forty years ago or so, like in the industry,

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it was on paper. And so think about the limitations

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of paper, and they were used specialized symbols and that

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kind of stuff, and we've tried to make it approachable

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to all humans. Like, so it's actually a story that

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both those who own their lived can own their lived

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experience and anybody who's walking with them and serving them,

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supporting them professionally or otherwise can understand the same story.

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So when we first did ours, this is a long

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time ago, when we saw again our family, we drew

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it out in the blended family world. What we realized

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is some of it is that we just missed people.

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Like we did it with a group that we were

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leading and almost everybody because we just we told them,

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you know, put down the two of you, who who

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your parents were, who your kids are, how help any whatever,

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And they drew it out on paper and almost everybody

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missed somebody. So as you're thinking through things, which was interesting,

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and a lot of it was in the homes that

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they didn't live in, but it was their reality for

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their children they were family members and other houses. The

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other thing is is then when we started to make

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this software ginograms dot Com, my husband and I were like, well,

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we don't have that much stuff in our background, Like,

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so we started mapping out our lives and recognizing, wow,

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even though both of our parents had remained married their

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whole lives, so no divorces prior to us in our lineage,

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you know, or siblings were all married still, so we're

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like we don't have that much, and we started recognizing

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some of the trauma and some of the cultural, like

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you said, realities, like even I am from a century

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farm family in Iowa. I did not grow up on

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that farm, but I learned from people who grew up

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on that farm, so that informed I do things because

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that's where I was taught. So we started looking at

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our own and we were just My husband and I

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were shocked because we thought we were pretty boring, right,

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But when you start looking at those patterns that come

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down and how they influence who we are today and

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how we see the world, it was pretty eye opening

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actually and a little less I don't know if i'd

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say maybe humbling or also just what I find when

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I do a genogram with myself or others is that

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it allows us to step up from our story and

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not sit in the shame or blame. Right, so it's

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not me or you did this to me or whatever.

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It's now looking up at a level to say, this

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is what the system is doing, because a system. And

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one of your other speakers said this, and I was like, yes,

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it's pre something else, ha said this. But every system

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is to set up, is set up to perfectly get

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the outcomes that it does. That includes families, right, So

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if we know by better, we can do better. Yeah.

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I'm not sure that fully answered your question, but that

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was a couple of learning is along the way for

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us as we facilitated groups and then did our own.

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Yeah, and you say you go back like at least

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you know, like three generations, So that's like your parents

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and then your grandparents.

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Yeah. Yeah, and that's traditional, that's a traditional. Our software

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is now adaptive. I mean, if you think about it.

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You know, I have paper in front of me right now,

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and I didn't draw on it. But I just mean

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if I started drawing here and I went up, but

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like you, you run out of room pretty quick. Yeah,

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computers are adaptive, and so our software actually is unlimited.

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You can go as far back as you want. You

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could bring in your twenty one hundred people and you know,

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I mean don't no, I'm just.

233
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Kidding, No, I won't.

234
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But I you know, it's adaptive now, and so you

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can actually utilize computers to better understand if you do

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want to go back further. But I would say traditionally

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for people people that have like a mental degree called

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a licensed marriage and family therapist. So if you see

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an L or m FT, I don't know what all

240
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the states are. In Minnesota where I am, it's LMFT.

241
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It means they're license and then a social worker. Those

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are the two that in class in their training programs.

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They were taught in systems and they were probably had

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a genogram's class. So those folks would see understand sort

245
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of why those generational things are you know, good to

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capture at more than three if needed.

247
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Yeah, yeah, Like I found a lot of amazing things

248
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just looking at the genealogy, but just didn't go into

249
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the you know, getting into you know, actually touching their lives.

250
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You know. The other was just you know a lot

251
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of dates, you know, when they were born, when they

252
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when they died, you know, when they married, where they lived,

253
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things like that. But it doesn't get into a lot

254
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of the personal. But I could see some personal things

255
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and patterns and it's like, boy, like to see how

256
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that's affected you know.

257
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Yeah, yeah, it's you can delve right in and that's

258
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for sure. And again when you know better, you can

259
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do better. Right, Like, so, what out of trait that

260
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I think is serving me well? If not, how do

261
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I understand it in a way that I can use

262
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it as a strength.

263
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Well, if someone is building their first genogram, where should

264
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they start?

265
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Yeah, so yeah.

266
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First contacting you at least, that's also right.

267
00:15:33.679 --> 00:15:35.360
Absolutely, Well do the.

268
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Paper people, I'll tell you don't want to do that

269
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the piece of paper.

270
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I would recommend actually seeing intuitive icons. So on genograms

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dot com there is a free trial for thirty days,

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no credit card required, because we want humans to have

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the opportunity to do that. For our genogram, we have

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a question in take questionnaire, a questionnaire you can answer

275
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and then the computer says, draws your base genogram for you.

276
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And you know, I like to say instead of circles,

277
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squares and squiggly lines, which is what a traditional genogram

278
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was taught to be, like, men are squares, women are circles.

279
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And there's different constructs for you know, gender and gender questioning,

280
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and I mean there's also you can put trying. I mean,

281
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there's all these different specialized symbols that you have to

282
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know if you want to do this to better reflect

283
00:16:31.440 --> 00:16:34.080
your lived experience. We've tried to make that approachable and

284
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so you can choose things and then the computer changes things.

285
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Does that make sense, so I don't have to have

286
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my I mean it's pages long of what these symbols are,

287
00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:44.480
and how do you show a cut off relationship? And

288
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how do you show a divorce? And how do you

289
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show abuse physical, sexual, emotional? How do you show like

290
00:16:50.799 --> 00:16:53.679
but our computer system actually you can just go through

291
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and choose. You know, I'm going to add a parent,

292
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I want to add a child. I want to add

293
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an emotional bond. I want to add an abuse bond.

294
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I want to you know, like so anybody, quite frankly

295
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can do this. I would say people who have been

296
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trained in it will have a little bit more understanding

297
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on the power of the use through the therapeutic process.

298
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But it doesn't mean that everybody can have a look

299
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at their family. I mean, that's that's available now on

300
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genograms dot com. And so if you want to do it,

301
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you just go take the questionnaire and then it'll build

302
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the base genogram and you can decide what you want

303
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to add an intuitive if you really want to understand

304
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and do the traditional symbols, you can just look up

305
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traditional genogram symbols and go and start. You know, to me,

306
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it's so much better now we have faces you can

307
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choose I could have had blonde hair, you know, could

308
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have I mean, we have all the cultures, different cultures represented,

309
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so you can see that we have intuitive symbols for

310
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a home versus you know, whatever your living experience, be

311
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apartment or unhoused or you know, incarcerated even and so

312
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we have symbols that are a jail cell, a suitcase,

313
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school house, so that people can see real quick what

314
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that family's lived experiences and and so can the family.

315
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I think that's what That's what I'm most excited about

316
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the work that my husband and I and actually our children.

317
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It's a it's a software developed by our family for families.

318
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Our children all have special degrees and helped us because

319
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they believe in the mission of humans bringing the human back.

320
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Just like your recent guests spoke about is putting the

321
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human back into medical care. We want to put the

322
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human back in life like you know, wherever that shows

323
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up for somebody, so health, our social services. We want

324
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the humans to have feel like they're seeing, heard and understood.

325
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And I heard the word value to one of your guests,

326
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and I believe that to be true when you actually

327
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see me and I'm not just a number I'm not

328
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just a square. I'm not just you know, a circle

329
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or a squiggly line, and you see my life, and

330
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then I believe that you are invested in my life

331
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because you've taken the time to see and try to

332
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understand my life and I personally, and I can't speak

333
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for everybody. If somebody's leaned in, I'm way more likely

334
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to trust them, and I'm way more likely to value

335
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what they have to say, because if I don't know

336
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how much you care, I don't care how much you know,

337
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I don't and I don't think you. I don't know

338
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if that's been my experience just walking this earth with others,

339
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but you know, for us that was very important that

340
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people feel seen, heard and understood.

341
00:19:38.279 --> 00:19:41.359
Yeah, and I was just as you were talking and

342
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visualizing this genogram. I think like the younger generation would

343
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really just go, yeah, we're easy with that, because I

344
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mean they were in emji world, right, I'm still trying

345
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to figure out the little bit of emojis.

346
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Trust me up.

347
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It's like we're sure talking to me. Like with emoji language,

348
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I don't know what.

349
00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:08.720
Right I have to look it up to it or

350
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even some of the short like the acronyms. I'm like,

351
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I don't even know what that means. My kids told me,

352
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they said, Mom, we know that you've been kidnapped if

353
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you if we ever get a text from you that

354
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is any acronyms, because you do you type out complete

355
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sentences when you text us. And I'm like, I do

356
00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:29.559
because my English teacher from sixth grade would roll over

357
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in her grave if she knew that I wasn't trying

358
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to use proper grammar and all.

359
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:40.640
That I did right now talk about me? What is that?

360
00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:41.960
What is right?

361
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And I wouldn't you know, I it's funny because I

362
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I don't know how i'd show that on a genogram

363
00:20:46.519 --> 00:20:49.839
my sixth grades English teachers influence, But there's got to

364
00:20:49.839 --> 00:20:50.480
be a way.

365
00:20:50.839 --> 00:20:54.960
Yeah, I'm not a standard thing. Yeah, And then you know,

366
00:20:55.160 --> 00:20:58.839
like you said that, it brings kind of like an

367
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emotion so that you actually not only see yourself, but

368
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you see all the people before you and then see

369
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pieces of them in you, And you know maybe kind

370
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of does that kind of you know, make them more

371
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enthusiastic about maybe achieving or something like that if they've

372
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seen that there's achievement, you know, in their genogram.

373
00:21:29.559 --> 00:21:31.880
Yeah, I think it empowers people to make change. So

374
00:21:31.960 --> 00:21:37.599
we're working with a local addiction recovery in patient program.

375
00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:41.079
So thirteen months and when we walked in and started

376
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talking to some of the residence clients and they started

377
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telling their stories, I could visually see the genogram because

378
00:21:48.359 --> 00:21:51.759
they're like, my parents was an addict, my grandmother was

379
00:21:51.799 --> 00:21:53.799
an addict, you know. And they start seeing it and

380
00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:55.960
they wanted to do their genograms because I think again,

381
00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:58.920
it takes off some of the shame, like there's something

382
00:21:59.000 --> 00:22:03.359
wrong with me, I'm doing something wrong, and they can say, okay,

383
00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:06.640
I was influenced too, like this was my lived reality,

384
00:22:06.680 --> 00:22:09.000
this was my mom's live reality, versus me blaming my

385
00:22:09.119 --> 00:22:12.119
mom because it's not my mom. I'm just saying, like

386
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:15.200
blaming my parents. They can also maybe have a little

387
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:17.519
bit more grace and understanding for their parents because that

388
00:22:17.640 --> 00:22:20.880
was the environment in which they were raised. And so

389
00:22:20.920 --> 00:22:24.200
you start seeing that there are some nurture things that

390
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:28.839
influence us. And if that's all I know, that's I mean,

391
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:33.160
there's a large chance or there's the genetic component. You know.

392
00:22:33.240 --> 00:22:36.960
I'm not I'm not an expert in addiction from a

393
00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:39.880
genetic standpoint or anything. Else. I know there's patterns, and

394
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:44.319
I know that when people see them, they think, okay,

395
00:22:44.359 --> 00:22:47.640
like I can step out of my blame and shame,

396
00:22:47.799 --> 00:22:49.839
and I can maybe have some grace for those who

397
00:22:49.880 --> 00:22:52.160
came before me, and now I can make them my

398
00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:55.599
next generation. In the next generation, the next generation look different,

399
00:22:56.160 --> 00:23:00.359
so they feel powered to make the change, maybe repair

400
00:23:00.440 --> 00:23:04.880
some relationships because they can take the blame off of

401
00:23:04.880 --> 00:23:08.359
of other people and maybe express some great So as

402
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:10.400
we roll this out, it's really exciting to see the

403
00:23:10.440 --> 00:23:13.680
different uses of it, and and people seem to change

404
00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:18.200
pretty quick. I can tell a couple of stories if

405
00:23:18.200 --> 00:23:20.640
you want them, you know, like I don't know how

406
00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:22.039
much you want or how much we want to keep

407
00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:24.359
getting it. We can keep getting into the details of genograms.

408
00:23:24.359 --> 00:23:28.920
But it's really powerful when you see somebody accept their

409
00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:32.079
story in a way that facilitates change.

410
00:23:32.799 --> 00:23:38.839
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, I was just thinking when

411
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:41.960
I had done the general genealogy and I saw my

412
00:23:42.279 --> 00:23:45.720
you know, some of my relatives, and I saw that

413
00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:50.680
there was a problem with alcoholism, you know, I felt

414
00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:58.119
a certain way, and and then years later I then

415
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:01.000
found out Okay, they were they were in the military,

416
00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:03.519
they were in this they were in that. And I

417
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:06.880
realized that when I had talked to some people that

418
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:09.599
had been in Vietnam and they told me about some

419
00:24:09.720 --> 00:24:13.839
of the trauma and things like that, and then I

420
00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:16.599
finally saw, you know, how long they were in military,

421
00:24:16.759 --> 00:24:19.480
what or were they in things like that. I got

422
00:24:19.519 --> 00:24:25.240
a better understanding as to why there was some alcoholism

423
00:24:25.319 --> 00:24:28.759
there is because of the trauma and the way of

424
00:24:29.359 --> 00:24:33.079
numbing it, because you know, they weren't even recognizing that

425
00:24:33.119 --> 00:24:38.160
you could get PTSD until you know, probably thirty years ago.

426
00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:41.920
All of those ones before then, you know, it was

427
00:24:42.039 --> 00:24:44.519
just that's just who you are, and so we didn't

428
00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:48.000
know any better. So they gave me a better understanding

429
00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:52.279
and and it alleviated, you know, some of the embarrassment

430
00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:56.680
I failed as a child. Yeah, I shouldn't have. There

431
00:24:56.799 --> 00:24:59.480
was a real problem there that no one, no one

432
00:24:59.519 --> 00:25:04.160
had learned how to address. So, yeah, all those things

433
00:25:05.319 --> 00:25:08.559
you know, you see in there and then just trying

434
00:25:08.599 --> 00:25:15.720
to learn to understand him is really important. Also, Yeah,

435
00:25:15.799 --> 00:25:19.680
when you're looking at a genogram, maybe your own or

436
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:23.119
maybe someone else's. Like you said, you're doing some you know,

437
00:25:23.599 --> 00:25:26.960
work with other programs and things like that. What are

438
00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:30.079
some of the first things your eyes searched for.

439
00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:35.400
Yeah, so, and I know are app better than any

440
00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:39.200
So I mean again, you can use paper, but when

441
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:42.359
I do, I have somebody use one of our genogram applications.

442
00:25:43.640 --> 00:25:45.920
What I look for first is actually you can rate

443
00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:49.920
your emotional bonds with people, and so one of the other.

444
00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:52.920
I'm in a lot of different spaces because my you know,

445
00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:58.359
my personal goal is to support strengthen families, and so

446
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:01.839
support strengthen and so families, and so that's my lanes

447
00:26:01.880 --> 00:26:04.839
are different sometimes, but I'm using that's my north star.

448
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.240
And so for instance, I do co parent coaching, court

449
00:26:08.319 --> 00:26:11.559
ordered co parent coaching. So right now is the ones

450
00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:14.319
that I haven't been court ordered, which means that parents

451
00:26:14.319 --> 00:26:18.400
are fighting, right, that's just legit. They're fighting, And so

452
00:26:18.759 --> 00:26:20.519
I have them do the genogram because I want to

453
00:26:20.559 --> 00:26:23.920
understand who's in their family. So I'm one, I can

454
00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:26.160
call the right people the name, like I know their

455
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:28.599
children's names, and I can say that because when you

456
00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:31.440
say somebody's names. I don't know all the neuroscience, but

457
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:33.359
I heard there's neuroscience that proves that a part of

458
00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:35.759
your brain lights up. And so I want to be

459
00:26:35.960 --> 00:26:38.759
honoring and respectful of the people that I'm serving and

460
00:26:38.839 --> 00:26:41.279
also say I see you, and by using names that help,

461
00:26:41.319 --> 00:26:44.200
so I get their genogram map to truly just know

462
00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:48.319
who's in their family and who they are in their family? Right, So,

463
00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:51.200
is it the child? Is it their ex spouse? I

464
00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:53.640
don't want to confuse their ex spouse's name with their

465
00:26:53.880 --> 00:26:56.160
new spouse's name, right, Like, so I can look at

466
00:26:56.160 --> 00:26:59.359
the map and know which children live in which homes,

467
00:26:59.400 --> 00:27:02.119
how often, how long they're living, what the custody looks like.

468
00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:07.279
But the biggest thing that I'm looking for is emotional bonds,

469
00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:10.200
and so people can rate like is it a warm

470
00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:12.480
like am I super close to this person? Is it

471
00:27:12.480 --> 00:27:15.799
a green bond that's the strongest emotional bond. Is it

472
00:27:15.839 --> 00:27:18.039
a blue bond because it's still positive, but it's not

473
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:20.920
nearly as strong as the green. Or is it a meth?

474
00:27:21.039 --> 00:27:23.079
I call it meth in the middle. I don't really

475
00:27:23.119 --> 00:27:27.279
have good or bad feelings toward this person. We just coexist.

476
00:27:27.799 --> 00:27:29.759
But then you go down to the negative bonds, and

477
00:27:29.799 --> 00:27:32.799
so like i'd say, you know, if you're thinking plus

478
00:27:32.839 --> 00:27:36.279
two plus one zero and then your negative one, negative two,

479
00:27:36.759 --> 00:27:39.359
and if I see a lot of negative two, negative

480
00:27:39.359 --> 00:27:41.960
ones and negative twos. They show up as orange dash

481
00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:47.240
on our application, orange dashed lines and red dashed lines.

482
00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:50.960
I'm going to start asking some questions, right because what

483
00:27:51.079 --> 00:27:55.039
that shows me is, again remember that spider web. If

484
00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:58.119
there's one emotional bond that's negative and it's ues. We're

485
00:27:58.119 --> 00:28:00.640
going to start with the borring parents in court. You

486
00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:03.359
are not getting along at a plus two, okay, so

487
00:28:03.880 --> 00:28:06.640
you're probably you're definitely in the negative one negative too.

488
00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:08.799
So that so if you think about a bond between

489
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:12.599
two parents, so two parents here, there's this red bond

490
00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:15.799
because the court's involved, but they have one child together,

491
00:28:16.519 --> 00:28:20.880
and they're likely green. Biological bonds are the strongest because

492
00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:23.279
we're many. They're minimes. It doesn't mean that if you've

493
00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:25.440
had a foster adopt child that you don't love that child.

494
00:28:25.480 --> 00:28:28.920
You do, you can still have a green, but in general,

495
00:28:29.160 --> 00:28:32.440
biological bonds are again they're minimes. They do have my

496
00:28:33.160 --> 00:28:36.200
epigenetics that came through that, right, we lived our whole

497
00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:41.759
lives together. And but if you have one negative bond

498
00:28:41.960 --> 00:28:47.119
and two positive bonds, there's a theory called structural balance

499
00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:50.400
theory that's said that's an unstable triangle. So if you

500
00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:52.680
think about it that that child is literally in the

501
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:55.680
middle of two people that don't get along. Right. And

502
00:28:55.720 --> 00:28:59.039
you've heard these stories, right, you hear Disneyland parent because

503
00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:01.279
they want the child to want to come to their house,

504
00:29:01.400 --> 00:29:03.599
or the permissive parent because they want the child to

505
00:29:03.599 --> 00:29:05.720
come to their house. And this child is like this

506
00:29:05.839 --> 00:29:08.079
in the middle, going I'm going this way, I'm going

507
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:10.839
this way, I'm going this way. And if you've ever

508
00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:13.359
had one of those triangles in your personal life, I

509
00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:17.119
can think about even friend groups. Right, we're all getting

510
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:19.720
along until two people aren't getting along and they both

511
00:29:19.720 --> 00:29:21.519
call me and say, can you believe this? Can you

512
00:29:21.559 --> 00:29:23.559
believe this? You know? And so now you're like, oh,

513
00:29:24.039 --> 00:29:26.400
I believe I wasn't there. I'm not. They're both my friends,

514
00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:29.079
and it's just better when we all get along. What

515
00:29:29.119 --> 00:29:31.839
that's called is an in the middle triangle. And nobody

516
00:29:31.880 --> 00:29:36.039
wants to be that person in the middle, you know.

517
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:41.039
And so I look for triangles, and especially those unstable

518
00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:45.119
in the middle triangles, and then you know that happens

519
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:49.359
a lot. And in divorced families, they just do because

520
00:29:49.559 --> 00:29:52.759
they're literally functionally in the middle. But if we can

521
00:29:52.759 --> 00:29:56.640
get that co parent bond between the two parents a

522
00:29:56.640 --> 00:29:59.720
warmer or even just a meth then that child does

523
00:29:59.759 --> 00:30:02.519
at like they have to choose because that's not a

524
00:30:02.559 --> 00:30:04.240
great place to be. So that's what I'm looking for,

525
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:06.799
to see how many of those exist. I like to

526
00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:11.279
understand even beyond the warring parents, you know, how do

527
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:15.039
the siblings get along, the half siblings, the step siblings,

528
00:30:15.400 --> 00:30:17.759
you know, And this could be even an addictionary recovery, right, Like,

529
00:30:17.880 --> 00:30:24.039
let's talk about somebody whose addiction has now negatively impacted

530
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:27.039
other family members. Are they cut off? Are they? You know?

531
00:30:27.079 --> 00:30:29.720
How warm are those relationships are this? Does this person

532
00:30:29.799 --> 00:30:34.160
still try to connect with the recovering addict or you know, like,

533
00:30:34.200 --> 00:30:36.279
how do we repair some of the relationships? And I

534
00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:40.519
do it by looking at what emotional triangles exist and

535
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:46.319
which bonds can we help repair that the whole system

536
00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:49.599
gets more stable and it's work, but I will tell

537
00:30:49.640 --> 00:30:54.680
you it's so rewarding when people start understanding it's a system.

538
00:30:54.839 --> 00:30:59.759
And in my work, I've seen families go wait, what,

539
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:03.640
like they I've never thought about the fact that I've

540
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:05.640
been creating a whole other family over here in my

541
00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:08.440
child like that, and that threw this whole system off

542
00:31:09.039 --> 00:31:13.279
and I've seen change pretty quick, like starting to try

543
00:31:13.319 --> 00:31:16.640
to co parent better because they're understanding visually what they've

544
00:31:16.680 --> 00:31:18.920
been feeling, like this is so hard, or why is

545
00:31:19.000 --> 00:31:22.079
my child frustrated and not wanting to come to my house?

546
00:31:22.319 --> 00:31:24.240
And because they're trying to pick they don't want to

547
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:25.319
be here anymore.

548
00:31:25.079 --> 00:31:28.400
They don't want to be in them. Yeah, yeah, I've

549
00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:33.440
seen that kind of thing when when too, a husband

550
00:31:33.480 --> 00:31:36.799
and wife just can't get along, they get divorced, and

551
00:31:37.519 --> 00:31:41.839
they utilize the children as the ping pong ball to

552
00:31:41.960 --> 00:31:46.400
get back at one another, and they have no idea emotionally,

553
00:31:47.079 --> 00:31:50.799
you know, even physically what they are doing to that child,

554
00:31:51.519 --> 00:31:54.279
and then you expect them to be whole, whole and

555
00:31:54.440 --> 00:31:58.079
healthy and you know, and all of these things when

556
00:31:58.200 --> 00:32:04.480
you have actually use them as a weapon against another parent.

557
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:08.880
And the thing is what they fail to understand is

558
00:32:09.839 --> 00:32:12.480
at one point in time, you love them, you love

559
00:32:12.519 --> 00:32:15.519
them enough to have a child. But now you're angry

560
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:18.440
or whatever it is, How is it? Then? What does

561
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:21.920
that make me? Because I'm a product of that right

562
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:24.799
and that gives me love? Does that make are you

563
00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:27.839
angry with me too? Because I look like them? I mean,

564
00:32:27.880 --> 00:32:32.920
it's it's such a terrible and destructive thing that can happen.

565
00:32:33.519 --> 00:32:37.079
And you know those you've got these two people fighting,

566
00:32:37.880 --> 00:32:40.400
you know, and there's children involved.

567
00:32:42.119 --> 00:32:45.000
Yeah, it's so hard. And I've seen court cases dropped

568
00:32:46.440 --> 00:32:49.759
because they recognize that this is not in the best

569
00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:52.440
interest of their children. I'm not saying there's not reach.

570
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:53.759
I don't want to get it like I'm not going

571
00:32:53.839 --> 00:32:56.160
to get political or I mean or just even stepping

572
00:32:56.240 --> 00:32:59.039
all that. What I'm saying is, if you take the

573
00:32:59.079 --> 00:33:03.359
time to understand from a child's perspective what's going on,

574
00:33:03.480 --> 00:33:06.640
there might be changed hearts right, Like it might be like, Okay,

575
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:09.119
this is not what I want my child to experience.

576
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:13.079
And even though I'm hurt by a relationship that didn't

577
00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:16.839
work for whatever reason, is it really worth this continued,

578
00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:20.519
Like you said, pond game and playing. And I think

579
00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:24.799
people when they see the picture one recognize that I've

580
00:33:24.799 --> 00:33:28.480
also set up a structure that that that I wasn't

581
00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:32.039
acknowledging by, you know, in some cases getting remarried and

582
00:33:32.079 --> 00:33:34.759
having my own children somewhere else, and that's different for

583
00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:37.839
my kids. And I just, you know, like didn't recognize

584
00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:40.279
that that was it was a different I think pictures

585
00:33:40.279 --> 00:33:42.640
are powerful. Right, I go to a new city, I

586
00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:45.000
don't just walk drive in and go, well, I don't

587
00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:46.519
know where I'm going, but I'm just gonna start driving.

588
00:33:46.599 --> 00:33:50.640
I'm pulling up a map, right, like something, I have

589
00:33:50.680 --> 00:33:52.799
a little bit better understanding of what's going on. And

590
00:33:52.839 --> 00:33:55.200
I think that's the power of the genogram. And again,

591
00:33:56.119 --> 00:33:58.559
it can be used in various and a sundry places.

592
00:33:58.599 --> 00:34:01.440
From the co parent coaching, I think it'll be powerful

593
00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:04.319
in mediation or divorce even when you look at that stuff.

594
00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:06.119
If you look at that stuff up front, maybe set

595
00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:10.159
up those coparent relationships in a different way. It's in recovery,

596
00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:14.079
it's in social services, it's in mental health professionals, and

597
00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:18.639
I think anywhere that's serving families or families, it's powerful

598
00:34:18.719 --> 00:34:21.400
because you're seeing a story and you're saying this is

599
00:34:21.480 --> 00:34:25.039
these are humans involved, and how do we understand in

600
00:34:25.079 --> 00:34:27.039
a way, Like I said, we know better, we can

601
00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:30.679
do better. Right. So I'm excited about the power of

602
00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:34.840
genograms in this generation, especially with the adaptability of our

603
00:34:34.920 --> 00:34:38.159
software program that I am biased, but I get that,

604
00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:45.079
but I just think we've really tried to represent a person,

605
00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:49.960
you know, like that would be approachable, so humans feel

606
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:50.519
like they're seen.

607
00:34:51.559 --> 00:34:58.159
Yeah, can you share a story where maybe Geno Graham

608
00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:01.679
revealed a pattern no buddy had ever noticed before.

609
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:06.920
Again, I'm going to your last Your last guest was

610
00:35:06.960 --> 00:35:10.719
talking about foster adopts children and we got invited in

611
00:35:12.199 --> 00:35:15.440
and this foster adopt family had both biole and foster

612
00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:20.199
adopt children. And what happened is we put up the genogram.

613
00:35:20.239 --> 00:35:26.039
The genogram came up, and there was a lot of

614
00:35:26.119 --> 00:35:29.599
blaming of a specific human in their system. I'm just

615
00:35:29.639 --> 00:35:34.400
going to say that. And what was recognized pretty quickly

616
00:35:34.559 --> 00:35:36.719
is that all the negative bonds were going It's a child.

617
00:35:36.719 --> 00:35:38.079
So I can only say a child. I don't want

618
00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:39.599
to violate any hip or anything like that, but it

619
00:35:39.639 --> 00:35:44.320
was a child and they all recognized. And I'll just

620
00:35:44.719 --> 00:35:46.760
note the ages of the kids were enough that they

621
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:49.239
could understand. It wasn't two year olds. These were a

622
00:35:49.239 --> 00:35:53.280
little bit older kids than some teenagers and working with

623
00:35:53.320 --> 00:35:55.559
the parents, the teenager stayed in the room. So sort

624
00:35:55.599 --> 00:35:57.519
of like you said, young people, because now it's it

625
00:35:57.559 --> 00:35:59.760
looks I'm not going to I want to use the

626
00:35:59.800 --> 00:36:02.840
word gamified, because it's not, but it is more picked

627
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:07.440
for all and ogs. Either we're not that complex. It's

628
00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:09.400
not people's real faces. So I mean, we're not that

629
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:13.559
it's not that cool. But but the teenager stayed in

630
00:36:13.599 --> 00:36:16.199
the room. What it did was they recognized who they

631
00:36:16.199 --> 00:36:18.440
were scapegoating as a word that you would hear, like

632
00:36:18.519 --> 00:36:23.360
who they were all blaming this stuff on. And they

633
00:36:23.480 --> 00:36:27.199
facilitated conversations and asked questions of how they could do

634
00:36:27.320 --> 00:36:30.239
like to each other and to the coaching people that

635
00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:32.880
were there, because it wasn't just you know, our stuff,

636
00:36:33.519 --> 00:36:35.840
and they started to learn some skills. We got reports

637
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:39.960
back within a week that that family structure had already

638
00:36:40.039 --> 00:36:44.440
made changes recognizing when they were scapegoating a child who

639
00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:47.280
I mean, guess what if everybody's scapegoating you and blaming you,

640
00:36:47.599 --> 00:36:51.119
are you probably on your best behavior? I'm guessing that right,

641
00:36:51.719 --> 00:36:55.039
So it's going to fix this child. It was we're

642
00:36:55.039 --> 00:36:59.559
going to fix our system, right, And it happened quick.

643
00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:03.719
And those are the things that just energized me to

644
00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:06.960
do the hard, hard work of you know, starting a

645
00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:10.639
software company and you know, self funding and software company development.

646
00:37:10.760 --> 00:37:14.280
And because we see the value and the benefit and

647
00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:16.880
that is so important to my husband and I is

648
00:37:16.920 --> 00:37:20.079
that there is impact that that can be had to

649
00:37:20.199 --> 00:37:25.119
help families get stronger together and have more relational intelligence

650
00:37:25.159 --> 00:37:28.239
to do that. And so so that's one that's one

651
00:37:28.280 --> 00:37:30.480
example of many. Again I told you core cases have

652
00:37:30.519 --> 00:37:33.119
been dropped like that's in the best interest of a family.

653
00:37:33.440 --> 00:37:36.320
But this is how they operated, not only in their

654
00:37:36.360 --> 00:37:39.360
home but with people outside their home. They looked at

655
00:37:39.360 --> 00:37:43.119
the other generations and they recognize some problematic behavior and

656
00:37:43.159 --> 00:37:46.400
they proactively I'm mean to use some buzzwords in the

657
00:37:46.440 --> 00:37:49.559
industry used, you know, took agency over their own life,

658
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:51.840
which means they made their own decisions without the benefit

659
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:55.039
of having other people around and recognize when they were

660
00:37:55.039 --> 00:37:57.239
going to go into a situation that might throw their

661
00:37:57.960 --> 00:38:02.920
own home into us spin because an external person had

662
00:38:02.960 --> 00:38:06.599
a negative bond with somebody. So that family made a plan.

663
00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:08.559
They were able to make a plan because they saw

664
00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:10.159
a picture. That's pretty cool.

665
00:38:10.440 --> 00:38:14.639
That's pretty cool. Yeah, but you know, I think most

666
00:38:14.639 --> 00:38:18.280
of us are visual. If we do see see a

667
00:38:18.360 --> 00:38:22.320
picture and realize we might be the ones that's causing

668
00:38:22.800 --> 00:38:26.960
this thing to be red or orange or you know, yeah,

669
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:36.280
flashing lights, but yeah, yeah, you know we would we

670
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:39.079
would probably step back and say what am I doing

671
00:38:40.360 --> 00:38:44.119
what am I doing? Because nobody wants to really, I

672
00:38:44.159 --> 00:38:47.559
mean not consciously. They don't want to hurt their own child.

673
00:38:48.480 --> 00:38:51.440
They want their child to be grow up, to be happy,

674
00:38:51.639 --> 00:38:56.400
to to be you know, successful, and you want them

675
00:38:56.440 --> 00:39:00.519
to even achieve more than you did. Then when you

676
00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:03.679
go in and you see this situation where you are

677
00:39:05.519 --> 00:39:08.920
sending these negative things to their to their to their

678
00:39:09.000 --> 00:39:13.320
lives and putting them in in situations where they're they're

679
00:39:13.320 --> 00:39:15.880
supposed to choose which parent they like the most. And

680
00:39:15.960 --> 00:39:18.480
I mean just some of that kind of stuff. I mean,

681
00:39:18.760 --> 00:39:21.800
it's it's hurting them and it's hurting them emotionally, and

682
00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:27.000
you know, I think if they see that visually, yeah,

683
00:39:27.079 --> 00:39:29.960
I think they would probably change. But you know, right now,

684
00:39:29.960 --> 00:39:32.400
it's just everything's kind of quiet or a secret or

685
00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:35.760
whatever you want to call it. Yeah, and they don't need.

686
00:39:35.679 --> 00:39:37.960
To see it. The kids see too, right, Like, so

687
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:41.119
even teenagers made choices like because they don't want to

688
00:39:41.159 --> 00:39:43.360
be that way either. And so how do you stop

689
00:39:43.880 --> 00:39:47.719
or change? I don't you know that those intergenerational patterns

690
00:39:47.719 --> 00:39:50.519
that aren't serving the family, right, let's see them so

691
00:39:50.559 --> 00:39:52.039
then we can work on them.

692
00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:52.559
Mm hmm.

693
00:39:53.039 --> 00:39:53.280
Yeah.

694
00:39:54.119 --> 00:39:58.199
Now, and and as far as like therapy. You you

695
00:39:58.199 --> 00:40:01.599
you've done the genogram and the some therapy or coaching.

696
00:40:02.039 --> 00:40:06.960
How do you typically introduce the idea of a Jenograham

697
00:40:07.079 --> 00:40:07.920
to a new client.

698
00:40:08.440 --> 00:40:13.480
Yeah, so interesting that you asked that we're learning because

699
00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:15.960
we're pretty new company. But when I use it, I

700
00:40:16.039 --> 00:40:19.039
just say, hey, I really want to better understand your family, right,

701
00:40:19.119 --> 00:40:20.920
I'm not. This isn't to judge you. You get to

702
00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:24.360
tell me whatever information you want. Like, it's not a requirement,

703
00:40:25.119 --> 00:40:28.679
but I have a better understanding of your family, then

704
00:40:28.719 --> 00:40:31.960
I can figure out which better targeted resources or information

705
00:40:32.039 --> 00:40:35.639
that I have that might help your family. You know,

706
00:40:35.960 --> 00:40:40.519
navigate this again, those who use co parents, you know,

707
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:44.519
navigate this current challenge in your co parenting journey. And

708
00:40:44.599 --> 00:40:46.599
so we talk about it and a lot of times,

709
00:40:46.639 --> 00:40:50.239
because it's software, I can do it on Zoom even

710
00:40:50.239 --> 00:40:52.000
I'm standing there, you know, we do it on Zoom

711
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:53.760
and I say, okay, tell me about this person, and

712
00:40:54.039 --> 00:40:56.679
they watch me build their family. They can tell me

713
00:40:56.760 --> 00:40:59.199
what they want or they don't want to. It's their story.

714
00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:02.119
But I introduce it is let me understand your story

715
00:41:02.199 --> 00:41:06.039
as much as you want to tell me. Again, the questionnaire,

716
00:41:07.119 --> 00:41:09.400
I can send that out in advance of meeting with somebody,

717
00:41:09.440 --> 00:41:11.519
so I would know what's come, what I'm who, I'm

718
00:41:11.559 --> 00:41:14.239
going to see, if I'm coaching, if I want to

719
00:41:14.519 --> 00:41:18.159
I I've done it both ways, and so I think

720
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:23.039
the introduction again is just I'm taking a look at

721
00:41:23.079 --> 00:41:25.599
what's going on in a way this tool that I

722
00:41:25.719 --> 00:41:28.880
like to use. If you're uncomfortable with it, that's fine.

723
00:41:29.119 --> 00:41:33.480
It's not a requirement. It's your lived experience. The better

724
00:41:33.559 --> 00:41:36.679
I understand, the quicker we can get to the root

725
00:41:36.679 --> 00:41:39.280
of the problem. And so I think most people I

726
00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:41.079
haven't had anybody tell me no. In fact, I've had

727
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:44.400
people ask if they could do their genograms because they

728
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:47.320
want to understand. I think we have a curiosity in

729
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:50.159
general of sort of you know, where did we come from?

730
00:41:50.159 --> 00:41:52.360
Where those twenty one hundred people that came for me?

731
00:41:52.639 --> 00:41:54.559
What does that mean? Why do I have? You know,

732
00:41:54.599 --> 00:41:55.840
for me, I always tell my dad, I A had

733
00:41:55.880 --> 00:41:58.400
his nose, so you know, like who had this nose?

734
00:41:58.519 --> 00:42:01.119
You know, like where did that come from? You know,

735
00:42:01.159 --> 00:42:05.039
you're just curious what came? Why Why am I Christine today?

736
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:06.519
Why am I today?

737
00:42:06.599 --> 00:42:06.880
Or why?

738
00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:09.440
You know, why why am I Angela today? And so

739
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:15.559
I've had I haven't had any resistance and using it yet,

740
00:42:15.880 --> 00:42:18.480
I mean, that could happen, and I'm okay, it's just

741
00:42:18.519 --> 00:42:23.039
about being curious, non judgmental, just helping create clarity, you know,

742
00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:26.199
like those sorts of things. So I would use with

743
00:42:26.599 --> 00:42:29.360
somebody that i'd be introducing the genogram to.

744
00:42:30.519 --> 00:42:34.519
So that kind of helps to protect clients from feeling overwhelmed,

745
00:42:34.559 --> 00:42:37.280
because you know, like you say, you start getting into families,

746
00:42:38.039 --> 00:42:41.559
you might see there might be some painful patterns that

747
00:42:41.719 --> 00:42:44.920
show up, you know, I mean, how do you keep

748
00:42:44.920 --> 00:42:49.800
the client from being overwhelmed or anxious or whatever when

749
00:42:49.800 --> 00:42:54.199
they see this? You know, yeah, actually the patterns come up.

750
00:42:54.840 --> 00:42:56.519
Actually, I have one of my favorite stories, and this

751
00:42:56.639 --> 00:42:58.800
wasn't me. It was somebody else in the social services

752
00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:01.639
world who told me that in her career she had

753
00:43:01.719 --> 00:43:06.559
met this young teenager, young mom got in trouble. Anyway,

754
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:10.400
she ended up checking the boxes of Okay, she's showing

755
00:43:10.400 --> 00:43:13.039
this sign. She's showing this sign in her intake, in

756
00:43:13.079 --> 00:43:16.239
the in the agency she was working in, and she

757
00:43:16.280 --> 00:43:18.920
finally was getting enough resistance. She's like, I just put

758
00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:21.480
everything down and I said, tell me your story, and

759
00:43:21.519 --> 00:43:23.880
they mapped it out because this particular person had used

760
00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:27.159
a genogram and so she did it on paper. And

761
00:43:27.239 --> 00:43:29.599
when it did for this young lady, as she went

762
00:43:29.639 --> 00:43:32.360
to the different programs that she was going to be

763
00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:38.519
required to take to maintain custody of her child, the

764
00:43:40.360 --> 00:43:43.679
young lady just said, I don't have to retell my

765
00:43:43.719 --> 00:43:47.320
shame based story over and over again, because every person

766
00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:49.599
that wants to know you know, okay, you're here for

767
00:43:49.639 --> 00:43:52.320
this service, tell me about your story, and I'm here

768
00:43:52.320 --> 00:43:54.360
for this. Like every time you have to tell that

769
00:43:54.440 --> 00:43:56.519
story again, it opens a wound. Right, I don't love

770
00:43:56.559 --> 00:43:59.960
telling my divorced story over and over again because that's

771
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:02.239
a hard part of my journey. I do, I will,

772
00:44:02.280 --> 00:44:04.679
but I mean just like it's I don't love it,

773
00:44:04.920 --> 00:44:06.880
Like who wants to go over something that was hard.

774
00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:11.199
So this particular young lady, she literally had a folded

775
00:44:11.280 --> 00:44:12.440
up because she was long.

776
00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:12.880
And this.

777
00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:18.159
Person, the worker said okay, here's your story, and this

778
00:44:18.199 --> 00:44:20.760
young lady I heard again it was not my story.

779
00:44:20.800 --> 00:44:23.039
I just heard it through the grapevine in this networking

780
00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:25.559
you know, in the network of people that utilize our store,

781
00:44:25.559 --> 00:44:29.280
our software. She said. She would walk in and say,

782
00:44:29.960 --> 00:44:31.480
hand it, put it out. And she's like, if you

783
00:44:31.519 --> 00:44:35.000
ask me any questions that's already written down on my story,

784
00:44:35.320 --> 00:44:38.679
I'm walking out because you don't care about me. You

785
00:44:38.760 --> 00:44:41.400
only care about checking boxes and doing the process that

786
00:44:41.440 --> 00:44:44.559
you were taught to do. And she took power over

787
00:44:44.599 --> 00:44:48.000
her story, didn't have to relive her shame over and

788
00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:52.519
over or her trauma over and over again. And she

789
00:44:52.519 --> 00:44:55.119
she put the people on notice who were there to

790
00:44:55.239 --> 00:44:59.039
help her that you really want to help me do

791
00:44:59.159 --> 00:45:02.239
your homework. I've brought it to you. Understand who I am,

792
00:45:02.320 --> 00:45:05.280
so that we can this has already happened. Let's figure

793
00:45:05.320 --> 00:45:07.960
out what the rest of the story is. And I

794
00:45:08.039 --> 00:45:11.440
just thought that was the coolest story of this young

795
00:45:11.519 --> 00:45:15.239
lady's empowerment and saying I am not interested in telling

796
00:45:15.239 --> 00:45:17.280
you my trauma over and over again because you're re

797
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:20.039
traumatizing me and that is not helping me move forward.

798
00:45:20.360 --> 00:45:25.039
So here's my documented story. Let's go. And so I

799
00:45:25.159 --> 00:45:27.679
just that I haven't had one of those moments yet

800
00:45:27.719 --> 00:45:30.719
with personal work that I do, but people have told

801
00:45:30.760 --> 00:45:32.800
me those stories, and I think that's pretty awesome.

802
00:45:33.599 --> 00:45:37.519
Yeah, Well, I would like you to share the information

803
00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:43.840
on how our listeners is able to get Graham and

804
00:45:44.039 --> 00:45:46.000
get in touch with your organization.

805
00:45:46.599 --> 00:45:49.519
Yep. So if you go to genograms dot com you'll

806
00:45:49.519 --> 00:45:52.360
see a big orange button at the top right hand,

807
00:45:52.400 --> 00:45:54.800
so sign up for free and that is legit for

808
00:45:54.840 --> 00:45:57.760
free right now and just no credit card required. We'd

809
00:45:57.760 --> 00:46:00.440
want you to be able to access and utilize the tool.

810
00:46:01.320 --> 00:46:03.360
You'll get just a pop up window when you do

811
00:46:03.400 --> 00:46:05.159
that and it'll say where to start. But there is

812
00:46:05.199 --> 00:46:08.159
a learning tab in our genogram software that you can

813
00:46:08.239 --> 00:46:10.119
just play right like I want to do it. If

814
00:46:10.159 --> 00:46:12.280
if you're actually a clinician who uses it, there's a

815
00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:16.519
client tab, hip a compliance the software is so it

816
00:46:16.559 --> 00:46:19.320
can be utilized or and is being utilized in mental

817
00:46:19.400 --> 00:46:23.320
health spaces. So I think if you just want to

818
00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:25.000
do it for your own story and you're you know,

819
00:46:25.079 --> 00:46:28.360
on checking it out and go for it, I mean

820
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:31.800
and and and if it doesn't work right, you have

821
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:36.280
now met one of the two owners are founders, say founders.

822
00:46:37.719 --> 00:46:40.440
One of the two founders that you can contact in

823
00:46:40.519 --> 00:46:43.039
my email is literally Christine as you see spelled there

824
00:46:43.159 --> 00:46:47.159
k R I S T I n E at g

825
00:46:47.360 --> 00:46:50.360
nograms and it's g E N O g R A

826
00:46:50.719 --> 00:46:54.519
m S dot com. I'm an extrovert. I like talking

827
00:46:54.559 --> 00:46:56.639
to people, so I will answer your email. It might

828
00:46:56.679 --> 00:46:59.599
not be within two minutes, but I'll get back to

829
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:01.519
you because I like to hear from people. If it

830
00:47:01.559 --> 00:47:04.079
didn't work for you, if you're concerned, or I needed

831
00:47:04.119 --> 00:47:07.079
it to show this, or it didn't accommodate this. We

832
00:47:07.119 --> 00:47:10.000
are committed to continually making sure that it works for

833
00:47:10.039 --> 00:47:13.599
those who will benefit from it. And you've heard from

834
00:47:13.599 --> 00:47:17.360
me now, and hopefully you again if you don't care

835
00:47:17.360 --> 00:47:19.079
how much I know, until you know how much I care,

836
00:47:19.119 --> 00:47:21.760
and I hope that you've heard that I do truly

837
00:47:21.800 --> 00:47:25.519
as a human care about this and this is important

838
00:47:25.519 --> 00:47:27.480
work that we believe that we get to that we

839
00:47:27.519 --> 00:47:30.920
get to step in and work with others to get done. Well.

840
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:33.480
I just want to say I am just fascinated with

841
00:47:33.559 --> 00:47:37.239
the work that you do and how human it really is.

842
00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:40.800
I've had several people on just talking about the humanity

843
00:47:41.239 --> 00:47:44.639
of the work that we're doing, and what you're doing

844
00:47:44.760 --> 00:47:46.960
is just so wonderful, because, like I said, when you

845
00:47:47.039 --> 00:47:49.480
go in and start finding out some of the history

846
00:47:49.599 --> 00:47:52.239
or some of the things that have gone on, even

847
00:47:52.280 --> 00:47:56.800
the trauma, it can be very difficult. But I'm going

848
00:47:56.880 --> 00:47:58.280
to push the button.

849
00:47:58.239 --> 00:48:01.119
Right on and I'll see your name is Again. We're

850
00:48:01.159 --> 00:48:03.800
a very small team, so I'll go to else when

851
00:48:03.800 --> 00:48:04.639
you should sign up.

852
00:48:04.760 --> 00:48:08.920
So yeah, I'm going to try it, Yes, definitely. Well,

853
00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:13.239
I know that we have all been informed about the genograms.

854
00:48:13.320 --> 00:48:17.159
You have gotten the information how to begin your genogram

855
00:48:17.320 --> 00:48:19.920
to find out the story of your life and where

856
00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:22.159
to go from there. And so I want to thank

857
00:48:22.239 --> 00:48:25.280
everyone for tuning in to a Sharp Outlook. We're here

858
00:48:25.360 --> 00:48:30.000
every Monday at eleven am Eastern time and eight am

859
00:48:30.079 --> 00:48:39.880
Pacific time, and as I always say, stay informed. I

860
00:48:39.960 --> 00:48:42.800
want to thank you for joining us on a Sharp Outlook.

861
00:48:43.280 --> 00:48:46.639
We have been informed and energized to take the next steps.

862
00:48:47.159 --> 00:48:50.679
We have posted links to websites and videos to learn

863
00:48:50.719 --> 00:48:54.440
more on today's tipping. Please join us again next week

864
00:48:54.679 --> 00:48:58.639
for another thought for looking conversation right here on key

865
00:48:58.800 --> 00:49:03.199
for HD radio and Talk for TV. Listen to the

866
00:49:03.280 --> 00:49:07.880
podcast on all the podcast apps, and until next week,

867
00:49:08.320 --> 00:49:09.480
stay informed.