Dec. 1, 2025

Suicide Awareness

Suicide Awareness
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When a family member dies of natural causes there is a time period of grieving that takes place. When someone dies by suicide, their loved ones are grieving and are left with questions like “How could this have happened?” Processing the grief, loss and guilt is necessary. Showing up and supporting those who are grieving, is important and very valuable for their healing. If you are feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of not wanting to live or having urges to attempt to end your life, get help now!

ASharpe Outlook is broadcast live Mondays at 8AM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). ASharpe Outlook TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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Hello, and thank you for tuning in to a Sharp

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Outlook on pay for HD radio and Talk or TV.

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I am Angela Sharp. Your host our arm chair discussions

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with industry experts will give you the steps, tools and

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information to be successful in business and to prepare you

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to be your best self. Hello, I'm Angela Sharp and

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welcome to a Sharp Outlook. Our topic to day is difficult,

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but it's something that we really need to talk about

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openly and honestly. When a family member dies of natural causes,

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there is a time period of grieving that takes place.

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When someone dies of suicide, their loved ones are grieving

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and are left with questions like how could this have happened?

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Processing the grief, loss and guilt is necessary. Showing up

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and supporting those who are grieving is important and very

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valuable for their healing. If you are feeling overwhelmed by

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thoughts of not wanting to live or having urges to

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attempt to end your life, please get help now. The

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services are free and confidential. During the upcoming holidays, we

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should be aware that suicides increase. Checking in on others

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that might not have family relationships is important. Globally, there

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are over seven hundred and twenty thousand people who die

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of suicide every year. It is the second leading cause

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of death among people ages ten to fourteen and twenty

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to thirty four. That was amazing information when I researched this.

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The majority of suicides are males, and poisoning is among

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the most common means worldwide. What's happening with our children?

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Why are they wanting to die? What is the source

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of so much unhappiness? This is a difficult subject to discuss,

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but we must remove the stigma and start talking and

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find solutions to this silent epidemic. My guest today is

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going to be able to clear up some of those

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questions and also talk about the experience. Doctor Anne Pendell, MD,

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FACP is an internal medicine physician and geriatrician who's spent

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more than thirty years caring for patients and supporting colleagues

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and finding joy and meaning in their work. She also

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is a certified coach with Passion, where her passion lies

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in helping healthcare teams thrive with purpose, clarity, and heart.

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Anne's commitment to fostering connection and belonging deepened after the

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death of her son by suicide. While she does not

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claim expertise in suicide prevention, she openly shares her personal

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experience a profound loss to reduce stigma, invite conversation, and

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encourage compassionate support for individuals and families navigating mental health challenges.

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Throughout her career, including her most recent role as Senior

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Medical Director for Physician and app Experience at inter Mountain Health,

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Anne has focused on creating an environment where people feel seeing, supported,

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and valued. Her advocacy today centers on the belief that

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naming suicide, honoring our stories, and creating space for hard

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conversations can help cultivate compassion, connection, and hope. Outside of medicine,

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and and her husband Duncan, raised five children and now

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delight in five grandchildren. Her therapy dogs Olive and Alie,

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help bring comfort and connection to healthcare workers and extend

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of Anne's lifelong commitment to caring for others. And I'd

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like to ask you to join me today so we

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can begin this discussion. Thank you for being willing to

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share your personal journal journey happy to be here. Yes,

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you've shared that connection and belonging have played a meaningful

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role in your personal and professional life. Caring about why

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checking in on others and creating supportive, caring and environments

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matters so much, especially during tender times. Why do you

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feel this way?

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Well, I think primarily my clinical experience as an internest

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and geriatrician, caring for patients often who have chronic illness

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where we can't fix but can manage or have conversations

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about what's important. Really building those connections with patients build

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trust and confidence and care, and that really has been

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central to my clinical practice. And then as I stepped

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into leadership roles, it's just seemed to, you know, a

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natural transition to apply those same the same importance of

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connection in that setting. And as people who know me

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know that I'm a relationship focused leader and that has

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served me well, I also recognize, especially following the death

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of my son, is well maybe I should take a

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step back. What I realized in my clinical practice is

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many people are struggling with really hard things and struggling

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alone and don't have someone to talk with or feel supported.

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And so that was really one of my first takeaways

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about the importance of connection and having that community. And

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then when Robbie died, I was in both a leadership

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role and I still was in my clinical practice role,

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and I then became so much more acutely aware of

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the power of those people that weren't afraid to check in,

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who weren't afraid to reach out and connect. It was powerful.

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And of course, you know at the beginning you've got

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a lot of people checking in on you, but ass

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time passes, it is less and less. And those that

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would send a quick text to say, oh, I was

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doing this and thought of you, or I was doing

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this and it reminded me of you was so important

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for me and healing in so many ways. And not

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that I ever believed I didn't matter, but those small

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little connections really reinforce the belief that I was seen.

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Yeah, and I realize how important that is. I know,

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probably a lot of people think, oh, she's so busy

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or she's doing this, or she's got great things going on,

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or things like that. They don't realize that, regardless of

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how important your job is, or how successful you are

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in your career or whatever they're thinking, because they're viewing

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from the outside. We have moments of sadness. We have

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moments where we need to tell somebody that we're not

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quite all right. But those people think everything's so good

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with you or cool with you. They don't check in.

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They don't say are you okay?

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You know, are you all right?

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And so I'm here to say everybody needs that connection.

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Check in, send a text, post something, just say I'm

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thinking about you and I'm sending a hug. That means

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so much. Believe me, really, you know so much for

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people to just do that, if you know someone, check

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in on them, if you just faintly know them, you know.

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But there are work, you know, colleague or whatever, doesn't

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hurt to check in and just see how they're doing.

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It's really I like that thought there.

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Yeah, I do think what you said initially is that

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many people think that, oh, they're so busy, I don't

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want to bother them, and that's that's just not the case.

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And you know, a text message is nice because it

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doesn't really require a response. You can put a heart

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emoji or something on it. But just knowing that someone

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else out there is thinking of.

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You, yeah, yeah, and that you're just seen, you're seen,

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or you're even just maybe a brief thought in someone's mind.

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You know, it's important. You know, believe me, I'll make

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time just to be noticed. I'll make time just to

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take and receive your hello. It just means a lot.

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And so I I yeah, I wholeheartily agree that that

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is true for anyone listening who may be struggling or

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supporting a loved one. Resources such as nine eight eight

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suicide and Crisis Lifeline are available. Why isn't it important

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for us to know these resources exist even if we're

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not sure what to say or how to help people.

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Well, that's such a good question, and I think I

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learned this in my physician leadership work that men any

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leaders were unsure how to approach difficult conversations or were

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worried about maybe saying the wrong thing, or you know,

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not knowing what to do if they learned information from

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the person they were speaking to that required some immediate

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attention and knowing what the resources are that are available

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to you helps decrease some of the anxiety about having

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those conversations. Also, one of the other things that we

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learned is that by talking about those hard things, it

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became clear that knowing or asking for support or knowing

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that you might need support was really viewed as a

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sign of strength. And so being able to change that

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conversation to really speak of it's ok to raise your

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hand to ask for help, and if you do, here

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are the resources that can help you. That became really powerful,

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and I think it helped people also not be afraid

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to take that step into a difficult conversation. They were

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more confident and not as likely to avoid.

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It, right right, Yeah, it is you know, you think

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about people that are isolated. I used to counsel people

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at the alcohol drug treatment centers and also homeless people,

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and their biggest statement was I feel forgotten. I feel

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like no one cares. I feel like why should I

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wake up tomorrow? And I would probably didn't use the

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right tone because I wasn't trained, but I would say

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I don't want you to ever say that again, because

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you are important, you are valuable, you have gift inside

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of you that you haven't tapped into, and so we

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want to change his conversation and find out what really

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brings you joy and what really brings you happiness, because

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you there's something inside of you. We were all given

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something and now let's work on that one. But and

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a lot of that is we get so caught up

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in our daily lives. We don't notice anyone else but ourselves,

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and we have to reach out and touch, reach out

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and touch somebody's hands. Make this place a better place

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if you can. That was a good song, he was

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so yeah, and we probably need to start singing it more.

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We need to reach out, we need to touch. You know,

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social media is great way of doing it since people

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are scattered around the country and maybe not living in

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the same places. But just like we said, reaching out

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and touching them in some way is really helpful. Your

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mission is rooted in the belief that while you cannot

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change the past, you can use your experience to help

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reduce stigma and create space for conversation. How do you

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choose to raise your voice and create awareness in these days?

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Probably the most important thing that I've done is really

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share my story about my son and the impact of

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his death on me and my family and kind of

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my inability to fix the grief. You know, in healthcare

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we're fixers, and that is one of the things that

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I initially believed that I could fix this, and by

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this I mean the grief that goes with the death

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of a child. I think talking about suicide it kind

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of names the really uncomfortable thing that people don't like

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to talk about, which in some ways normalizes those conversations

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and decreases some of the stigma. I talked before about

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normalizing help seeking and making it be okay to raise

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your hand and say I need some help. The other

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thing that I found surprising is that as I shared

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my story and my family's story and Robbie's story, people

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would seek me out and share their stories. It may

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not have been of suicide, but of struggles, and every

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now and again someone would say, watching you navigate this

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has given me hope that I can navigate the hard

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things that I do as well. And I hadn't really

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realized that, you know, people are watching us, and you know,

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it wasn't pretty. There were days at work that I

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was pretty tearful and you know, didn't have it all together.

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And I think that that kind of created that safe

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space for people to gravitate towards me and share things

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that were hard.

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So, oh, go ahead, Yeah, I was going to say,

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so the loss of your son pretty much changed you,

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change your life forever?

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Yeah?

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How is that experience with grief influenced the way you

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show up as a physician or a leader, or a

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coach or a neighbor.

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How how all those things?

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Yeah?

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I think probably most important is with empathy and curiosity.

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I'm much more a two uned too, asking questions, wondering

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what's behind either a behavior or a comment. I'm also

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very aware that grief is this journey that kind of

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goes up and down. And sometimes I felt like I

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was actually maybe coming out of grief, and then COVID happened,

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so kind of a setback there, and my mom became

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ill and she passed away, another setback, and so being

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able to give myself some grace that I don't have

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it all figured out, and it was okay just to

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be where I was, wherever that was was where I

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needed to be at the time. Initially, I and some

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like grief writing workshops and some group work and thinking

234
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that I could work my way through this because that's

235
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how I approach everything, is figuring out how to make

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it better. And this was not one of those things

237
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that could be made better. It just needed to take

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its own time, its own journey. I suppose I'm kinder.

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I mean I felt like I was kind before, but

240
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really recognizing that everyone's got.

241
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Something yeah, yeah, and it is whenever someone lose a

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family member or loved one, you just don't know what

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words to say, because I've kind of feel just from

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experiencing death in my family, there's nothing you can say

245
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because that is just a stopping point of something that

246
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you were clinging to, and so you can't pretend like

247
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it didn't happen. So there's no changing it. But it's

248
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a matter of how to put it in the right

249
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place in your life so it doesn't control you or

250
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things like that. But and I don't, you know, how

251
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do you say something like that. It's just kind of difficult.

252
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And I'm one who does a lot of talking, but

253
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even I become a little apprehensive because I don't know

254
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what to say when someone is lost, especially a child

255
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or I've experienced this parent and a sibling, but not

256
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a child. And so they all have their place in

257
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our lives. And I think it's the grief. Nobody wants

258
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to go through it and no one has ever taught

259
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us how to go through it. Yeah, and it and

260
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it's it's just kind of interesting. You've written about what's

261
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helpful and what isn't after your son's death, you know,

262
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so you've learned about these things and you did some writing,

263
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and you know, and how to present, you know, for

264
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people who are grieving, how to be present, how to

265
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how to talk to them is empathy. You say, empathy,

266
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that's one of the compassion and empathy is the best

267
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thing to do.

268
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And not not being afraid to show up. I think

269
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sometimes people worry about saying the wrong thing, so they

270
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stay away because they don't know what to say. And

271
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I had a close friend who had a child that

272
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passed away from cancer, and she said, you know, there's

273
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no word for the loss of a child. If you

274
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lose a spouse, you're a widow or widower. If you

275
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don't have parents, you're an orphan. But there's no word

276
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because it's unfathomable that you would have a child that dies. Yeah,

277
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And when she said that, it just felt so true.

278
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There is no word and so if there is no

279
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word just showing up being present, I do talk. I

280
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did talk a lot about that language does matter, and

281
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saying committed suicide sounded like my son committed a crime

282
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or committed a sin, and so in my language, being

283
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just really clear that he died by suicide felt more accurate,

284
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more honest, more real. It probably made some people uncomfortable.

285
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Sometimes I'll say I've lost my son, and when I

286
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say that, it softens it. But then it also seems

287
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to imply that I can find him somewhere, like if

288
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I just look hard enough. And so I try not

289
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to say that just in my conversations, but I think

290
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that text check in. Like we talked about at the beginning,

291
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naming it, I will say that, And we talked about connections.

292
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The people that asked about my son using his name, Robbie,

293
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tell me about Robbie. Tell me one thing that you

294
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just loved so much about him was really wonderful, and

295
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it was often from people that didn't know me. Well.

296
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It felt so very much like we were honoring him

297
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and then he was still with us, and that was

298
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really powerful.

299
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Yeah. Yeah, just naming him and bringing it up like

300
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he exists, he exists and just expressing that that's some

301
00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:22.599
really good information because I'm sure, just like myself, we

302
00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:27.200
don't know how to approach you know, uncomfortable conversations, and

303
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most of the time we stay away. And that's probably

304
00:23:30.039 --> 00:23:33.440
the worst thing because that person is really alone, they're

305
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in silence, they're grieving, and and you don't want them

306
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to go to a point of depression. So just reaching

307
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out and letting them know you know, they're still keep

308
00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:53.720
going because you know, grief doesn't follow a timeline. It

309
00:23:53.880 --> 00:23:57.559
just doesn't. You can't say, for these three months, this

310
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is what I'm going to do, and then it's going

311
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to be over. It's not something that's on the timeline.

312
00:24:03.720 --> 00:24:09.480
So how do you navigate ongoing grief well still maintaining

313
00:24:09.680 --> 00:24:13.440
careers and full life and things like that. How do

314
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:14.240
you maintain it?

315
00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:17.759
Oh that's such a good question, and I don't really

316
00:24:17.799 --> 00:24:19.759
know how I maintained it, to be honest with you.

317
00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:22.240
I was thinking about that today as we were getting

318
00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:26.720
ready to have our conversation, and you know, it wasn't

319
00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:34.440
linear at all, and I kind of talk about creating

320
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:37.200
a safe space, so like what feels safe for me?

321
00:24:37.960 --> 00:24:41.720
So maybe it's not going out and doing something that

322
00:24:41.759 --> 00:24:44.920
I would normally do or being with people wasn't the

323
00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:46.880
right thing for me to do, but it was better

324
00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:54.480
to stay home. I wasn't able to fix it, like

325
00:24:54.559 --> 00:24:59.720
I said before, and so giving myself some grace, recognizing

326
00:24:59.720 --> 00:25:02.960
that it was is going to take time, whatever amount

327
00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:09.119
of time it was going to be mm hmm. Having

328
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:16.839
something meaningful to get out of bed for each day. Yeah, yeah, definitely,

329
00:25:17.559 --> 00:25:23.440
that I think was really useful. I so funny talking

330
00:25:23.559 --> 00:25:27.240
to not funny, but talking with people who have had

331
00:25:27.240 --> 00:25:31.480
a spouse die, you know, and say, you know, you

332
00:25:31.519 --> 00:25:33.160
don't have to come back to work right away, you

333
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:36.119
can take some more time, and I often hear, no, No,

334
00:25:36.839 --> 00:25:38.960
it's really good for me to have some place to

335
00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:39.799
get up and go.

336
00:25:39.680 --> 00:25:42.440
To mm hmmm. Yeah.

337
00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:46.279
So having some of that structure I think was really useful,

338
00:25:47.480 --> 00:25:51.599
and knowing when I needed to have that quiet time

339
00:25:51.640 --> 00:25:53.279
and give myself grace to do that.

340
00:25:53.839 --> 00:25:57.920
Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, it's it's just

341
00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:03.599
a difficult thing. And now do you think during grief

342
00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:08.480
everyone probably has their own method or their own way

343
00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:14.680
of grieving. Are there some good, good approaches or good

344
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:21.839
phrases or something we can do without unintentionally causing harm.

345
00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:24.920
Are there different things we can say and do.

346
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:28.920
I think I'm going to go back to the being

347
00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:35.559
present piece. I was given a book by someone called

348
00:26:35.599 --> 00:26:40.599
Healing after Loss, and it was a daily meditation, and

349
00:26:40.680 --> 00:26:44.559
that was something that grounded me every morning. It was wintertime,

350
00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:47.160
and so I would lay in my bed and read

351
00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:50.640
the meditation, and I would look out my window at

352
00:26:50.680 --> 00:26:53.759
the in Salt Lake City, so it was snowy, the

353
00:26:53.799 --> 00:26:58.759
snow on the trees, and birds would come to visit

354
00:26:59.319 --> 00:27:00.799
the tree, and I would look at that and I

355
00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:04.119
would get that sense that my son was with me.

356
00:27:07.039 --> 00:27:15.319
That was something that was really so useful. And I've

357
00:27:15.319 --> 00:27:20.559
had others give me books that they found useful themselves,

358
00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:24.519
and that was also helpful. I think you're just kind

359
00:27:24.519 --> 00:27:28.039
of trial and erring it.

360
00:27:28.799 --> 00:27:32.880
M M. Yeah, yeah, it's it's I don't think anybody

361
00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:37.920
is a master of something like that, because even you know,

362
00:27:38.039 --> 00:27:41.920
when when we've lost as we're older, we've lost our parents,

363
00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:47.000
but every Mother's day, every Father's day, you it all

364
00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:51.480
bubbles back up and you feel that sense of loss,

365
00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:54.759
you feel that sense of not being there, but then

366
00:27:55.119 --> 00:27:59.240
you kind of remember, you know, a special meal that

367
00:27:59.400 --> 00:28:02.480
was cooked. Wow, it was so good. Like, you know,

368
00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:06.240
everybody had their holiday meals and those they're thinking about

369
00:28:06.640 --> 00:28:09.559
the cakes and the pies and you know, just just

370
00:28:09.640 --> 00:28:13.359
running through all the things you know that I missed

371
00:28:13.400 --> 00:28:15.960
about them. But I was able to smile instead of

372
00:28:16.680 --> 00:28:21.799
you know, crying. It was just like good memories, good thoughts, yes,

373
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:26.920
like that, and so changing maybe changing that grief to

374
00:28:27.559 --> 00:28:34.559
remembering those funny times, those yeah, giggly times, you know, yeah,

375
00:28:34.839 --> 00:28:36.079
you know, I'm.

376
00:28:35.960 --> 00:28:39.960
Laughing with what you said, because when our first grandchild

377
00:28:40.119 --> 00:28:46.319
was born, it was so painful and I hadn't anticipated that,

378
00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:51.279
and it was really that terrible grief of thinking that

379
00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:57.200
my son isn't going to know his nephew, and it

380
00:28:57.279 --> 00:29:00.839
was it was heartbreaking. It was heartbreaking for me as

381
00:29:00.880 --> 00:29:04.160
a mother, and then heartbreaking as a grandmother because I

382
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:07.279
was so sad about Robbie that I had a really

383
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:12.640
hard time finding the joy in the birth of a grandchild.

384
00:29:13.400 --> 00:29:18.480
And then over time, listening to my son talk with

385
00:29:18.599 --> 00:29:22.599
his boys about Uncle Rob and we're getting jelly donuts.

386
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.960
Uncle Rob loved jelly donuts, and so they've kind of

387
00:29:25.960 --> 00:29:31.799
incorporated those funny things and those funny stories of when

388
00:29:31.839 --> 00:29:36.079
they were growing up, or when they were skiing, or

389
00:29:36.519 --> 00:29:41.680
when they were playing hockey together. That has really, like

390
00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:45.319
just how you said, it has just created this really

391
00:29:45.440 --> 00:29:50.200
lovely memory of him. And we used to look at

392
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:52.799
birds when I was with my grandchildren. I'd say, you know,

393
00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:56.119
there's Uncle Rob. He's up there, he's a bird. And

394
00:29:58.160 --> 00:30:00.519
you know, it was a nice way of remember bring,

395
00:30:01.000 --> 00:30:04.680
a really nice way of remembering and really comforting.

396
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.920
Yeah, trying to remember them the good things about them

397
00:30:10.519 --> 00:30:18.160
and not you know, concentrating on the wise or whatever. Yeah,

398
00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:22.119
those are things that we just won't know, but just

399
00:30:22.200 --> 00:30:26.680
remember remember them when they were smiling, they were laughing,

400
00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:33.119
they were being naughty all of us. Yes, great things

401
00:30:33.160 --> 00:30:37.839
about them. Healthcare can be a stigmatized environment when it

402
00:30:37.880 --> 00:30:43.920
comes to discussing emotional struggle. How has your experience reinforced

403
00:30:43.960 --> 00:30:49.680
the importance of open dialogue and compassionate leadership in health

404
00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:51.839
care and everywhere?

405
00:30:51.880 --> 00:30:56.079
I would think, yeah, that's so true. I think that,

406
00:30:58.680 --> 00:31:02.440
you know, in healthcare, trained to be fixers. We're trained

407
00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:05.960
to have the answers. We're you know, we deal with

408
00:31:06.039 --> 00:31:08.000
really hard things and then we move on to the

409
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:14.160
next and that's just how we operate. And so being able,

410
00:31:14.359 --> 00:31:18.680
especially during COVID. COVID really became a time where people

411
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:25.279
recognize that they didn't have this infinite capacity to work

412
00:31:25.559 --> 00:31:28.440
so hard to fix everything, and it was so out

413
00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:32.559
of our control that that really kind of opened a

414
00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:35.480
window or opened the door to have some of those

415
00:31:35.519 --> 00:31:40.039
conversations for how are you taking care of yourself? How

416
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:44.319
as a leader, how do I take care of my team? What?

417
00:31:44.599 --> 00:31:49.720
What are they going to need? Again? What resources do

418
00:31:49.759 --> 00:31:53.359
we have that are available so that when there's an

419
00:31:53.480 --> 00:31:57.240
unexpected death or something really difficult happens, how can we

420
00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:00.440
build in support? And I know you mentioned our therapy dogs.

421
00:32:00.440 --> 00:32:04.319
All of an Alie will occasionally get phone calls from

422
00:32:04.359 --> 00:32:07.519
the children's hospital in our city if there's been a

423
00:32:07.559 --> 00:32:11.160
death in the emergency room of a child. Can the

424
00:32:11.240 --> 00:32:15.759
dogs come up for the staff as they process what happened?

425
00:32:16.359 --> 00:32:20.240
And I think a piece of that is really starting

426
00:32:20.279 --> 00:32:28.319
to normalize the emotional toll, the emotional challenges of the

427
00:32:28.440 --> 00:32:31.960
jobs that we have in healthcare. And one of the

428
00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:36.920
things that pry too really important things was starting a

429
00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:41.640
peer support program at my health system. So how do

430
00:32:41.720 --> 00:32:48.119
we in our teams know what to look for, how

431
00:32:48.160 --> 00:32:50.440
to check in with people know what the resources are,

432
00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:54.240
so we're not afraid to speak up. And same with

433
00:32:54.440 --> 00:32:58.000
the leaders. How do we lead with I call it

434
00:32:58.039 --> 00:33:02.240
that well being mindset, but really thinking about if someone's

435
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:06.160
having some issues, is there something behind that behavior that

436
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:09.079
needs to be addressed as well. I'm caring for a

437
00:33:09.119 --> 00:33:11.839
sick child and trying to work. I'm caring for elderly

438
00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:14.279
parents and I'm trying to work, and I'm not balancing

439
00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:20.960
that as well. And so I think simply having that conversation,

440
00:33:21.240 --> 00:33:25.359
having a conversation, so normalizing it, and then having resources

441
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:30.359
in place at a system level to support the individuals

442
00:33:30.359 --> 00:33:32.960
of the team has been really important.

443
00:33:33.319 --> 00:33:37.720
Right, you know, being working in finance, being a chief

444
00:33:37.720 --> 00:33:43.839
financial officer and then also working in software technology, it's

445
00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:49.519
so you're always resolving issues that you almost become desensitized. Yeah,

446
00:33:50.119 --> 00:33:55.079
And as you were mentioning the healthcare always coming up

447
00:33:55.079 --> 00:33:57.279
with an answer, We're always supposed to have an answer,

448
00:33:57.839 --> 00:34:01.880
and so we do become de sensive ties to anything

449
00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:06.200
that might be emotional because it's you know, black and white.

450
00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:08.960
Black and white solve the problems, solve the problem all

451
00:34:09.000 --> 00:34:12.199
the time, and almost to the point where you're not touching,

452
00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:15.639
you're not involved, you're not engaged, and so, like you

453
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:20.159
were saying, having that leadership where you're going to notice

454
00:34:20.199 --> 00:34:24.400
something is wrong when you're because they come in, You

455
00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:29.000
see their behaviors, see their mannerisms, you see those things.

456
00:34:29.159 --> 00:34:32.239
Look at something more than just the balance sheet, look

457
00:34:32.280 --> 00:34:36.039
at something more than just the report coming out, look

458
00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:39.119
at the people behind it, and see if they're okay.

459
00:34:40.119 --> 00:34:44.559
You know that. I think that leaders need to that

460
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:48.760
needs to be in the leadership training programs, that there's

461
00:34:48.840 --> 00:34:53.280
more to it than just making sure the work is

462
00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:58.280
being done. Yes, that's that's a responsibility. But you are

463
00:34:58.320 --> 00:35:01.199
in a team, you're in with a group people. There

464
00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:07.239
should be enough association that you can sense something's not

465
00:35:07.320 --> 00:35:11.079
quite right and then have that openness and that open

466
00:35:11.239 --> 00:35:15.960
door where they aren't afraid to tell you I've had

467
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:20.079
this problem, my son is in this situation, my cat

468
00:35:20.199 --> 00:35:25.960
died yesterday. You know, these things affect people emotionally, so

469
00:35:26.159 --> 00:35:29.480
you need to identify this is not you know, not

470
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:32.480
quite a good day. You know, figure out and then

471
00:35:32.519 --> 00:35:36.039
figure out you know what words to say to cheer

472
00:35:36.079 --> 00:35:39.599
them up and you know, get them motivated or keep

473
00:35:39.639 --> 00:35:47.000
them motivated or you know whatever. So your mission is

474
00:35:47.079 --> 00:35:50.159
rooted in the belief that while you cannot change the paths,

475
00:35:50.239 --> 00:35:56.480
you can use your experience to reduce stigma. And I'm

476
00:35:56.519 --> 00:36:00.480
just wondering, what are some other things that we can

477
00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:08.960
be doing to maybe reduce the stigma of the conversation

478
00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:11.360
of not just death, but suicide.

479
00:36:12.079 --> 00:36:17.119
Yeah, I think not being afraid to talk about it,

480
00:36:17.400 --> 00:36:21.840
to say the word. You and I connected after I

481
00:36:21.880 --> 00:36:25.840
posted in September. I always do a LinkedIn post or

482
00:36:26.440 --> 00:36:32.000
Instagram post in September for suicide Awareness Month, and it's

483
00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:35.119
always hard to do that, but that I feel is

484
00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:39.639
one of my one of the things that I can

485
00:36:39.800 --> 00:36:51.239
do to support people so that they're not afraid to

486
00:36:51.360 --> 00:36:56.559
have a conversation. And I know that sounds kind of nebulous,

487
00:36:57.320 --> 00:36:59.960
but I've heard from individuals thank you so much for

488
00:37:00.119 --> 00:37:03.679
saying that you gave me some words. I have someone

489
00:37:03.679 --> 00:37:06.159
who's going through that now. I'm going to check in

490
00:37:06.239 --> 00:37:15.599
with them. Those that that seems to be what matters

491
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:21.519
is really not being afraid to talk about the hard things,

492
00:37:21.559 --> 00:37:26.119
the messiness.

493
00:37:22.519 --> 00:37:29.079
Of life, right right, And And like I said, like

494
00:37:29.159 --> 00:37:33.599
you said, it's a word that has a stigma, and

495
00:37:33.639 --> 00:37:36.840
I think we need to remove the stigma. You know.

496
00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:42.559
I had someone on earlier in the year from the

497
00:37:42.639 --> 00:37:46.840
United Kingdom. It's called Brain Charity, and they're dealing with

498
00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:54.000
neurodivergence and people with brain issues and you know, ADHD

499
00:37:54.320 --> 00:37:59.239
or autism or just different things. And we have stigmas

500
00:37:59.239 --> 00:38:03.880
about things we don't understand, and so instead of trying

501
00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:07.559
to find a way to understand and be a part

502
00:38:07.719 --> 00:38:13.719
of a solution, we'd rather just set them apart. These

503
00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:16.000
are people over here and we're just not going to

504
00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:20.320
deal with them. Like they're not breathing today. They're still breathing,

505
00:38:20.440 --> 00:38:24.440
they're still walking around, they're still here, and what they

506
00:38:24.480 --> 00:38:27.840
need is, like I said, you, to reach out and

507
00:38:27.920 --> 00:38:31.440
touch them. Let's not be afraid of this word, because

508
00:38:31.480 --> 00:38:35.800
we're losing far too many people because we won't talk

509
00:38:35.840 --> 00:38:41.599
about it. It's not something that's a contagion, you know,

510
00:38:42.360 --> 00:38:45.719
it's something where we can be what we're supposed to be,

511
00:38:46.079 --> 00:38:50.320
loving our neighbors as we love ourselves and reaching out

512
00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:54.800
and touching that person. Some of you are hearing conversations

513
00:38:54.840 --> 00:39:00.880
that you know don't quite sound right. Should be talking

514
00:39:01.119 --> 00:39:05.400
to them about getting some help. Don't ignore them, don't

515
00:39:05.639 --> 00:39:10.239
brush it away. You know, it's just we shouldn't be

516
00:39:10.239 --> 00:39:13.360
afraid to talk about it, and it shouldn't be something

517
00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:18.079
we only mention the word once a year. Yeah, it's

518
00:39:18.280 --> 00:39:21.159
it is.

519
00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:24.480
I think during the holidays it seems to bring all

520
00:39:24.559 --> 00:39:29.039
of those holidays and birthdays, I think, or the big

521
00:39:29.079 --> 00:39:35.679
moments where those feelings get brought to the surface, and

522
00:39:36.400 --> 00:39:41.519
so being more mindful over the holidays, I mean all

523
00:39:41.559 --> 00:39:45.360
the time, of course, but you know, thinking about the

524
00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:49.559
person who, in your example, never makes mistakes on the spreadsheet,

525
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:53.440
but now you're seeing things that don't add up. Why

526
00:39:53.559 --> 00:39:57.400
is that? What's going on with them? Or the person

527
00:39:57.400 --> 00:40:01.880
who shows up to work usually you know, well groomed

528
00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:07.519
is now wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. I mean, what's

529
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:11.960
behind that? What's happening for that person? And I think

530
00:40:12.400 --> 00:40:16.559
the noticing that you talked about is so important and

531
00:40:16.599 --> 00:40:18.719
it requires us to kind of get out of our

532
00:40:18.760 --> 00:40:25.159
heads and you know, look around us right right and

533
00:40:25.280 --> 00:40:28.639
getting to know the person right. So you needed to

534
00:40:28.719 --> 00:40:33.119
know that this person never makes mistakes on their spreadsheets

535
00:40:33.119 --> 00:40:35.920
and now they are, or this person shows up to

536
00:40:35.960 --> 00:40:40.519
work meticulously groomed and is not. And that goes back

537
00:40:40.559 --> 00:40:42.760
to that connection piece that we talked about at the

538
00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:43.960
very beginning.

539
00:40:44.199 --> 00:40:48.719
Right right is a thought just hit my mind, Like

540
00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:52.840
we used to have counselors in schools and because of

541
00:40:53.000 --> 00:40:58.519
budget cuts, there's there's no one communicating with the students

542
00:40:58.559 --> 00:41:02.159
to help them deal with if their issues on a

543
00:41:02.239 --> 00:41:08.840
daily basis. We don't have counselors at most corporations. And

544
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:15.039
we're people, we're human, we experience different things. Maybe that's

545
00:41:15.079 --> 00:41:20.400
something that should be considered that when someone's having problems,

546
00:41:20.440 --> 00:41:22.880
they have someone that they can go to, because sometimes

547
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:27.000
you can't tell your other coworker what's going on, but

548
00:41:27.079 --> 00:41:30.559
there should be a safe space where you can a

549
00:41:30.599 --> 00:41:34.559
person can go and share the pressures that they're going

550
00:41:34.599 --> 00:41:37.760
through or the things that they're experiencing or how they're feeling,

551
00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:42.719
so that they can just talking. Maybe they can just

552
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:46.480
need to talk and get that out. But there's there

553
00:41:46.519 --> 00:41:48.960
are solutions out there. I just don't know if there's

554
00:41:49.119 --> 00:41:53.519
organizations trying to find solutions. But I think we need

555
00:41:53.559 --> 00:41:56.880
to have conversations about how do we how do we

556
00:41:57.039 --> 00:42:00.159
deal with this, what are some of the things things

557
00:42:00.199 --> 00:42:04.119
that are happening, and how do we get in tune

558
00:42:04.199 --> 00:42:11.079
with it so that we can be an intervention during something,

559
00:42:11.599 --> 00:42:16.639
you know, similar to that. You know from your perspective,

560
00:42:17.119 --> 00:42:21.440
not as a suicide prevention expert, but as a mother, colleague,

561
00:42:22.039 --> 00:42:26.840
and leader, what changes in others might prompt us to

562
00:42:27.000 --> 00:42:30.000
reach out or offer connection.

563
00:42:33.599 --> 00:42:38.840
I think probably the most important is a change. They

564
00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:41.679
were one way and now something's different. Or they were

565
00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:47.280
very social and now they're declining invitations. You don't see

566
00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:50.679
them walking around the neighborhood like you used to. You

567
00:42:50.679 --> 00:42:58.119
know what's happening there. I think that that is probably

568
00:42:58.159 --> 00:43:00.320
the most important, and I'm going to take it back

569
00:43:00.360 --> 00:43:06.280
to connection and relationships. So having a relationship with someone,

570
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:10.800
getting to know them, knowing what's important to them is

571
00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:14.760
one of the ways that then allows you when there

572
00:43:14.800 --> 00:43:16.159
is a change, for you to notice it.

573
00:43:16.840 --> 00:43:22.239
Mm hmm yeah. Yeah, you've shared that hope continues to

574
00:43:22.280 --> 00:43:27.760
show up even in profound loss. What does hope look

575
00:43:27.840 --> 00:43:29.360
like for you now?

576
00:43:32.679 --> 00:43:36.440
I think for me, hope, Well, I'm a hope giver

577
00:43:37.000 --> 00:43:39.559
because I do. I mean, I feel like I do

578
00:43:39.719 --> 00:43:43.840
believe that even on those hardest days, I felt as

579
00:43:43.880 --> 00:43:47.920
if I could get through this grief and sadness and

580
00:43:47.960 --> 00:43:51.880
find joy again. But I found most of my hope

581
00:43:51.880 --> 00:43:55.400
in those small acts, those small moments those acts of

582
00:43:55.519 --> 00:44:04.199
kindness and recognizing that hope and grief can exist together. Yeah,

583
00:44:04.239 --> 00:44:08.000
and they don't erase each other. They can it can

584
00:44:08.079 --> 00:44:13.320
be an and hope and grief. And I never gave

585
00:44:13.400 --> 00:44:17.119
up the hope that I would find joy again. Great.

586
00:44:18.159 --> 00:44:26.719
Oh that's wonderful. Yeah, that that was very profound. Boy,

587
00:44:26.840 --> 00:44:36.599
that brings tears. What message would you most want to

588
00:44:36.639 --> 00:44:41.920
share with families, loved ones, or healthcare professionals who may

589
00:44:41.960 --> 00:44:46.679
be navigating their own grief or supporting someone who is struggling.

590
00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:51.119
What would you like to share with them? I'd like

591
00:44:51.159 --> 00:44:52.519
them to know that they're not alone.

592
00:44:54.000 --> 00:45:00.719
Yes, that connections matter. Building those relationship ships, building that

593
00:45:00.800 --> 00:45:05.760
community is really important. Not being afraid to reach out

594
00:45:05.920 --> 00:45:10.400
if you're a person who's suffering, or if you notice

595
00:45:10.679 --> 00:45:14.320
something not being don't be afraid to check in. I

596
00:45:14.480 --> 00:45:17.920
notice this, how are you doing? I've been thinking about you.

597
00:45:19.159 --> 00:45:22.119
And I really believe that as humans were not meant

598
00:45:22.159 --> 00:45:27.639
to carry our grief alone, right, And I know that

599
00:45:27.760 --> 00:45:32.599
it takes some courage to take that first step to

600
00:45:32.679 --> 00:45:38.159
ask that question of someone, But step into that courage.

601
00:45:38.400 --> 00:45:44.159
M hmm. Yeah, it can really make a difference. It

602
00:45:44.199 --> 00:45:50.920
can really matter. And like you said, the number of

603
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:55.639
people that we're losing, I think is worth those moments

604
00:45:55.679 --> 00:46:00.880
out of your life to say are you okay today? Yeah,

605
00:46:01.079 --> 00:46:03.960
we'd be all right. Well, you used to you know,

606
00:46:04.039 --> 00:46:06.840
facebook me, you know, every day, or used to chat

607
00:46:07.159 --> 00:46:10.039
and I haven't heard from you. Is everything okay?

608
00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:18.280
Yeah? You know it's complicated. Yeah, it's complicated. And and really,

609
00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:23.199
you know, suicide affects families and communities in those deep

610
00:46:23.280 --> 00:46:28.519
and complicated ways. It's such a tender topic. So my

611
00:46:28.639 --> 00:46:35.440
hope is that we can keep talking about this with compassion, empathy, curiosity.

612
00:46:36.519 --> 00:46:42.719
Yeah, absolutely, as much as we can try to reach

613
00:46:42.760 --> 00:46:48.280
someone who's struggling, try to reach someone who's confused and

614
00:46:47.400 --> 00:46:52.039
and and you know they're they're not going they're not

615
00:46:52.159 --> 00:46:55.719
going to the high school party, or they're not going

616
00:46:55.840 --> 00:47:00.440
to the game, or they're not going to homecoming. You know,

617
00:47:02.079 --> 00:47:06.159
find out why why aren't you going to homecoming? It's

618
00:47:06.239 --> 00:47:11.159
like one of the greatest events during the school year. Yes,

619
00:47:12.159 --> 00:47:16.320
you know, what's going on? What are you thinking? When

620
00:47:16.320 --> 00:47:19.320
they're you know, your kids are in their rooms all

621
00:47:19.360 --> 00:47:22.400
the time and you don't see them and you have

622
00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:24.760
to call them three or four times to come to dinner.

623
00:47:26.000 --> 00:47:27.760
I know they might be studying.

624
00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:29.199
That's a joke.

625
00:47:29.360 --> 00:47:34.599
I know they're not studying. But take the time to,

626
00:47:35.239 --> 00:47:37.679
you know, find out, you know, what's going on. You know,

627
00:47:37.800 --> 00:47:40.119
you haven't been down here, we haven't seen you. I

628
00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:42.920
want to know how your day is, How was your day?

629
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:46.559
How is your day? I had a guest on talking

630
00:47:46.599 --> 00:47:50.559
about bullying, and they've come out with an AI thank

631
00:47:50.639 --> 00:47:56.199
called Bully Buddy, where the people that are dealing with

632
00:47:56.400 --> 00:47:59.360
being bullied can talk to something and then they have

633
00:48:01.280 --> 00:48:07.039
therapists that are actually getting information from the product itself

634
00:48:07.119 --> 00:48:10.840
to monitor that person to protect them. So maybe some

635
00:48:10.880 --> 00:48:15.199
of those things will help it, you know, find some friends,

636
00:48:15.480 --> 00:48:18.760
go you know, I know you think your parents are

637
00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:22.639
old and they don't know, but you know, we've been there,

638
00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:26.000
done that. We just don't talk about it because we're

639
00:48:26.119 --> 00:48:31.800
barrassed about what the things we did. But talk to

640
00:48:31.880 --> 00:48:35.719
your parents. They're cool people, you just don't know. Make

641
00:48:35.760 --> 00:48:40.079
them tell you their stories, their life stories, and get

642
00:48:40.119 --> 00:48:43.000
that connection. Get that connection with your child, get that

643
00:48:43.039 --> 00:48:46.840
connection with your sibling, get that connection with your cousin,

644
00:48:47.559 --> 00:48:52.000
get that connection with your neighbor, you know, and just

645
00:48:52.159 --> 00:48:55.800
check in and make sure everybody's all right. So that

646
00:48:56.480 --> 00:49:00.400
because sometimes just talking it out, they're able to work

647
00:49:00.440 --> 00:49:05.760
through it and find peace and hope, like you said,

648
00:49:06.679 --> 00:49:14.960
and be able to move on and make those good decisions.

649
00:49:15.239 --> 00:49:18.599
I am so grateful that you were able to join

650
00:49:18.679 --> 00:49:22.440
us today to share your story and to talk about

651
00:49:22.480 --> 00:49:26.840
some of the things that can help us be better

652
00:49:27.360 --> 00:49:34.119
neighbors and citizens and humans to one another. We should care.

653
00:49:34.719 --> 00:49:38.960
I hope we do care. Please care, and please show

654
00:49:39.079 --> 00:49:43.880
up for someone that might be hurting. And if you're hurting,

655
00:49:44.920 --> 00:49:49.880
find some help now. Don't wait, find help now. There's

656
00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:53.119
a voice, there's someone who cares and they want to

657
00:49:53.159 --> 00:49:56.440
hear from you. Thank you Anne for joining me today,

658
00:49:57.199 --> 00:50:00.840
and thank you for joining A Sharp Outlook. We'll be

659
00:50:00.920 --> 00:50:05.559
here again next Monday at eleven am Eastern time eight

660
00:50:05.599 --> 00:50:11.360
am Pacific time. And as I always say, stay informed.

661
00:50:15.280 --> 00:50:17.400
I want to thank you for joining us on a

662
00:50:17.519 --> 00:50:21.239
Sharp Outlook. We have been informed and energized to take

663
00:50:21.280 --> 00:50:24.960
the next steps. We have posted links to websites and

664
00:50:25.079 --> 00:50:28.880
videos to learn more on today's topic. Please join us

665
00:50:28.920 --> 00:50:33.239
again next week for another thought provoking conversation right here

666
00:50:33.639 --> 00:50:38.440
on key for HD radio and Talk for TV. Listen

667
00:50:38.480 --> 00:50:42.719
to the podcast on all the podcast apps and until

668
00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:44.960
next week. Stay informed,