Aug. 2, 2026

Caregivers Need Care Too: Support and Services

Caregivers Need Care Too: Support and Services
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Season 2

Caring for a loved one can be rewarding, demanding, and life changing. Many people take on the responsibilities of caregiving without recognizing themselves as caregivers or knowing where to find help. On this episode we will talk with former caregiver, Julia Yarbough, a multiple Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist. Julia has more than 25 years of experience anchoring, reporting, and producing news content. She also served as a family caregiver. Julia educates others in caregiving, services.

ASharpe Outlook is broadcast live Mondays at 8AM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). ASharpe Outlook TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal, counseling,

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professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services

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of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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Hello, and thank you for tuning in to a Sharp

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Outlook on pay for HD Radio and Talk or TV.

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I am Angela Sharp, your host.

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I'll arm to your discussions with industry experts will give

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you the steps, tools and information to be successful in

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business and to prepare you to be your best self. Hello,

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I'm Angela Sharp, and thank you for joining us today

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on a Sharp Outlook. Today we're going to talk about

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caregivers and taking care of family members, friends, neighbors, whomever

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it might be. I want you to know today we're

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going to talk about that caregivers need care too, and

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finding out the support in the services that are available

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to be the best.

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Caregiver that you can be. Caring for a loved one

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can be rewarding, demanding, and life changing, but many people

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take on the responsibility of caregiving without recognizing themselves as

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a caregiver or knowing where to find help.

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Well.

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Today I will be talking with Julia Yarborough, who has

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not only been a journalist but also a former caregiver,

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and she's going to talk about the steps that you

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will go through as being a caregiver. She is a

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multi Emmy Award winning broadcast journalist name Julia has more

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than twenty five years experience anchoring, reporting, producing news content,

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and she also has served as a family caregiver to

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her aging and now deceased mother. That experience has motivated

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Julia to educate others about family caregiving, be an advocate

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for improved services, and partner with organizations with a health

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focused mission. She will share lessons from her personal caregiving

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journey while explaining the many rules the caregivers performs, the

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challenges they face, and the resources that can support them.

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The conversation is going to explore family communications, caregiver stress

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finding services, preparing for changing needs, and how to recognize

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when you have become a caregiver, the emotional and practical

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demands involved, and the services and resources that can help.

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Whether you are caring for a parent, a spouse, relative,

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a neighbor, a friend. I believe this episode offers guidance

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for understanding and role and asking for help and how

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to navigate that caregiving journey. As I mentioned before, Julia

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Yoper is here to have that conversation with us today,

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and i'd like to invite her to the show.

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Good morning, Angela, thank you so much for having me on,

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and good morning everybody who's joining us.

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Thank you.

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Yes, absolutely well, it is my privilege to have you

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here with your background and all of the work that

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you have done in journalism and Emmy awards and things

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like that, so so many just wonderful things you have accomplished,

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and now you are focusing so much on something that

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is going to affect all of us at some point

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in time, whether you be a caregiver or someone who's

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going to eventually need care. This information is really, really,

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really critical for our listeners today, and so I just

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want to say, you know, what led you to become

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involved in this caregiving conversation.

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Well, you know, as I was listening to your introduction

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and welcoming everybody, you.

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Know, family caregiving, professional caregiving, It encompasses so much.

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Right, we're talking sixty five plus million people here in

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the US right, And we've.

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Watched those numbers climb over the last ten years.

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So it's not a matter of if, it's a matter

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of when right, Because when we look at the statistics

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of how many people are family caregivers, you either have been,

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you are, or you will be right.

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That's the spectrum for all of us.

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So when we look at the idea of family caregiving

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and how much information is necessary, I just want to

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say again I'm thankful to be here with you this morning,

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and to put this into perspective.

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I've been sharing information about caregiving.

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My very first story on family caregiving and what maybe

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coming down the pike for.

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Us was in twenty fifteen.

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Was the first story that I did on family right

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or now I'm in twenty twenty six and many of

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the same issues I'm seeing. And so my background, as

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you mentioned, I come from the world of journalism, broadcast

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news as a reporter, anchor producer.

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So I'm a storyteller.

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I'm a storyteller at heart, and then I began caring

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for my now deceease mother and one of the key

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things that you touched on and we can dive into it.

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More is that when I first started caring for my mother,

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I didn't identify.

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Myself as a caregiver. I was just helping out my mom,

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who I knew was aging.

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So that was very early on and then evolved into

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what I call the hands on, heavy duty lifting of caregiving.

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So rather than me ramble on which I sometimes do, Oh, you.

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Asked me a question about that, and I will answer

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and we can have that discussion. I don't want to

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go too deep into the weeds, but I would say

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that my caregiving.

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Journey actually started in twenty.

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May have been twenty twelve, no sooner than that, because

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it was when my mother was in northern California and

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I was living in South Florida, and I moved her

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closer to me, So that actually would have been two

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thousand and six, I believe two thousand and six or

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two thousand and seven.

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I didn't realize that I was a caregiver then, but

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I was.

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Yeah, And that's one of the things that people don't

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realize when they became and just trying to help out

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and aide your parent or a friend or something like that.

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They just begin, but they don't realize that they have

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become caregivers and need a little more understanding and knowledge

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and support and assistance as things begin to even you know,

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develop and things begin.

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To change, you know, exactly exactly.

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So as you were bringing or there and this, that

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and the other, what was the moment when you realize

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how difficult it can be to navigate caregiving and caregiving services.

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Because I'm sure as the years went on, so did

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the amount of things that you needed to provide for

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your mother.

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Oh exactly.

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And one of the things that I would encourage everybody

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to do is you know, you may be helping out

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a loved one and you think I'm not a care

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Here are some things that can be very specific guidelines.

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Ask yourself.

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Are you taking your loved one to and from doctor's

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appointments and being the point person for them? Are you

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doing grocery shopping? Are you helping with house cleaning? Are

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you helping to navigate some of their social circles? Are

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you needing to actually schedule doctor's appointments? If you are

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doing any end or all of those things, you are

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a family caregiver, whether you identify with that or not.

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One thing that I would highly encourage people to do

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and if I could roll the clock back for myself.

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The sooner you can identify that you are a caregiver,

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the sooner your brain starts to move in a different

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way where you can then understand, Okay, this isn't going away,

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It's not just a dream.

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I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and it's gone.

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You can then move into action and say, okay, here's

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the reality. Let me start looking at my resources. And yes,

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starting early is the key. Every community is different, every

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state is different, every county is different, every community within

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those counties is different.

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Do you live urban, do you live rural? Right? How

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many resources might be in your area.

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So all of those things encompass how you decide what

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extra care you may need for yourself and for your

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loved one. So the sooner you embrace this idea that yes,

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I'm a caregiver, the sooner you can begin mapping out what.

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You need to do, who you can contact.

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And what your resources are in your region. I cannot

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stress enough to start early. One of the things that

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we talked about earlier, and I've seen in my years

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of working in this field, is that so often we

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wait until we're in a crisis.

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At that point. It's too late because.

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Now your loved one is likely overwhelmed or on a

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crisis point, and you personally are overwhelmed and in a

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crisis point.

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Start early, right.

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I like to say, look forward and choose a worst

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case scenario and then work backwards of if.

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This happens, I do this. If this happens, I do this, have.

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A plan so that if the worst never happens, you're good, right,

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but if it does, you at least have a chart,

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You have a roadmap, you have a plan, right, and

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that is key for family caregivers. So embrace it quickly,

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embrace it early, and understand that you are part of

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a million person.

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Family in our country right now. You are not alone.

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It's not new.

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It's new to you if you are just joining, but

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there are people who have been there, who have done

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it can help you.

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Right.

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And as you were saying, making a plan, just like

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you make plans for a vacation, you should make plans

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for your elderly parents or maybe even a child that

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you know might have a specific disability. And it's becoming

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you know worse, have a plan, you know, find out

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you know all of those important legal documents, where are

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they where are they kept, who are the contacts that

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need to be addressed? Start there and then from there,

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then you start looking at different facilities that might be

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in the area they're at and interviewing and talking to

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them and researching them to find out whether or not

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they're a good service, you know, just all those kinds

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of things, and then and write it down. It doesn't

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hard to write it down, or you know everybody's trying

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to use it. Have that little bit, but you know,

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give you all the steps, you'll get more than you

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ever wanted to get.

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Oh exactly. And there's it can be overwhelming. You know.

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I don't like to sugarcoat it for people because but

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at the same time, I don't want them to shut down.

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Right.

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One of the things that I like to say is,

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you know, this isn't like going online and watching dancing cats,

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eating pizza and space right, that's fun. In my list,

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this is heavy duty, and yes it can be exhausting.

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But the sooner you put a plan in place, I

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like to say, a practical plan, prepare right and within

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those categories as you mentioned, start early.

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I'll share a quick little story with you if I can.

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Years ago again, when my mother first moved to South

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Florida near me.

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She didn't live with me, she lived near me.

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Thankfully, I had an HR director who was a wonderful,

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wonderful woman, and not only did she know her craft,

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but she knew her clients, those of us who worked.

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In the building, and she knew that my mother lived

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near me, and she knew that my mother was older.

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She talked to me early on about what that might

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look like as my mother aged. And she was the

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first person who talked to me about the idea of

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maybe looking at a different type of insurance to put

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in place for my mother.

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So that was number one.

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I had somebody who was already in my corner, even

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before I realized it. I had another friend who had

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taken care of his grandparents when he was younger, and

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he kept saying, you know, Julia, you're going to probably

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be taking care of your mother, miss Nellie.

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You might want to put some plans in place.

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And I was like, no, no, no, don't want to

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talk about it, don't want to think about it, you know,

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talk to the hand, as they say.

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But he insisted, and he said, we should go visit facility.

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So you have an idea of what they are.

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Now, I don't lie and say I ever did that,

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but he planted c so that when the years rolled on,

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I understood what he meant by visiting facilities. Because one

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of the things that you will understand as you go

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through this journey is I call it learning your acronyms.

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There are a lot of acronyms within the aging and

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care field. Again, this is a surface conversation because there's

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so many.

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Places that we can dive deep.

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But one aspect that people early on must absolutely understand

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is there is something called SNF Skilled men Facility and

246
00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:44.639
there is something called ALF assisted Living facility.

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Two very different types of care facilities. So as you

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enter into this, it's important to research the.

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Definitions of both of those because what type of insurance

250
00:14:58.919 --> 00:15:02.840
impacts what type of care, And it's truly important for

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people to understand the difference between ALF and SNF. And

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more important than anything else out there is that people

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often think, well, my parent or my loved.

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One has Medicare, I'll be fine.

255
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Medicare does not cover private facility care.

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It does not.

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That is private pay in your pocket, your money right,

258
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so you can see it already within fifteen minutes of

259
00:15:32.080 --> 00:15:36.480
our conversation of how many layers of information John, and

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00:15:36.519 --> 00:15:40.639
we haven't even really taken a deep dive. That gives

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00:15:40.679 --> 00:15:44.879
you an idea why it's so important to start early

262
00:15:45.399 --> 00:15:48.600
and understand what you're working with, so that you know

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00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:52.759
the terms, you know your resources, and as you mentioned,

264
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you know what's your family's plan. Do you know where

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those important papers are?

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Acronyms? And I'm happy to share with everybody.

267
00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:05.360
I have a couple of articles where I break down

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00:16:05.399 --> 00:16:15.480
the acronyms you S N A A L S, PO A, post,

269
00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:17.360
P O, L S T, all.

270
00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:20.759
These things that if you've never heard of them, you go, what.

271
00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:22.759
Right?

272
00:16:24.039 --> 00:16:27.240
So yeah, and I think, like you're saying, there's so

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much involved, and you're we're talking about you being involved

274
00:16:32.679 --> 00:16:36.279
in something that you're not that familiar with. There, sooner

275
00:16:36.399 --> 00:16:38.759
that you go out and maybe just to start doing

276
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some research. Like I said, you can just go out

277
00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:44.000
there and ask ask questions on you know, on a

278
00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:48.039
chat somewhere and at least get what you said, a

279
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:51.759
breakdown of the what those mean and why you need

280
00:16:51.799 --> 00:16:55.120
to know them and when would you need to use them?

281
00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:59.039
And for instance, because you know there may be a

282
00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:02.200
way where you might I have in home care, but

283
00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:05.079
you know, you need to know what you should be

284
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:10.640
expecting if you're going to consider in home care.

285
00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:13.400
You know, who is that person? How do I know

286
00:17:13.480 --> 00:17:15.559
I can rely on them? How do I know they're

287
00:17:15.559 --> 00:17:18.680
going to take good care of my family member?

288
00:17:19.119 --> 00:17:22.640
You know, just so many different things, and so that

289
00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:24.880
you don't end up with a whole lot of anxiety,

290
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:29.480
get it done up front, so that you already know, Okay,

291
00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:32.279
this is who I'm going to call and something would

292
00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:34.640
occur of this is who I'm what I'm going to do,

293
00:17:35.960 --> 00:17:38.720
This is who I'm going to direct, you know, my

294
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:44.279
mother or my father or whomever to Let's just go

295
00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:46.920
and just drive over there and look at it and

296
00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:50.480
see if that was something that you would enjoy. You know,

297
00:17:50.599 --> 00:17:54.680
don't wait until they don't recognize things and things like that.

298
00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:57.279
You know, that way, I have been part of the

299
00:17:58.200 --> 00:17:59.079
decision making.

300
00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:03.839
And the sooner you start, the more you can have

301
00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:06.720
a handle on what may be necessary.

302
00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:09.440
And I think something really important that you just said

303
00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:13.279
of you know, exploring your options.

304
00:18:13.319 --> 00:18:16.759
And again, every community is different, and this is this

305
00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:17.559
is where it's key.

306
00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:22.119
I encourage everybody to you know, this week.

307
00:18:21.960 --> 00:18:25.200
In fact, here's here's a challenge for all of your listeners.

308
00:18:26.039 --> 00:18:29.240
Pick one thing and say, you know what, I'm going

309
00:18:29.279 --> 00:18:33.079
to research that and maybe it never comes to pass,

310
00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:36.920
but doing that one topic will help you understand of

311
00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:38.359
what comes next.

312
00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:42.039
So, for instance, you mentioned in home care.

313
00:18:43.359 --> 00:18:48.200
Incredibly valuable if you can find those services. What we're

314
00:18:48.200 --> 00:18:52.039
seeing around the country in almost every community is that

315
00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:58.400
a large number of companies that provide those services are

316
00:18:58.440 --> 00:19:03.319
having a hard time finding staff and keeping staff right.

317
00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:06.119
So in our minds we think, oh well, I'll just

318
00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:11.400
hire a company. Start early, because you might discover that.

319
00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:14.359
You have a harder time than you thought finding a

320
00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:18.759
company in your area that actually has services that will

321
00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:23.839
provide what you need. It's also important to understand the

322
00:19:23.880 --> 00:19:25.720
company who owns it.

323
00:19:25.799 --> 00:19:28.079
Is it family owned or is it owned by a

324
00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:29.240
large conglomerate.

325
00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:33.160
Again, a lot of the information I share with people

326
00:19:33.960 --> 00:19:35.599
this is based on lived experience.

327
00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:37.960
I'm not a doctor. I'm not a nurse.

328
00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:41.079
Although I've been asked if I was a nurse. After

329
00:19:41.279 --> 00:19:43.200
several years of caring for my mom.

330
00:19:43.039 --> 00:19:45.119
The doctors thought, you know so much.

331
00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:47.079
I said, well, it's because I've been caring for my

332
00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:51.400
mother and I had to learn. It's important to know

333
00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:56.400
how to research the companies. Some states you can go

334
00:19:56.519 --> 00:20:02.279
through and the companies are listed under social services. In

335
00:20:02.359 --> 00:20:07.799
other states they're listed under business services. So you have

336
00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:12.599
to figure out your state's breakdown so.

337
00:20:12.440 --> 00:20:14.920
That you can do a history search of the company.

338
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:18.000
There are a number of different resources where you can

339
00:20:18.039 --> 00:20:18.799
see do they have.

340
00:20:21.160 --> 00:20:27.079
Any lawsuits against them, do they have any outstanding citations

341
00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:32.440
against them? And what were these citations for. I believe

342
00:20:32.519 --> 00:20:35.720
there are some wonderful people working in the care industry,

343
00:20:36.039 --> 00:20:38.200
but I'd also believe that there are a lot of

344
00:20:38.279 --> 00:20:41.359
individuals or companies or consortiums.

345
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:43.119
That are in it for the money. One thing that

346
00:20:43.160 --> 00:20:44.880
I would encourage you to do.

347
00:20:46.759 --> 00:20:52.160
Stop buy facilities without an appointment and demand that you

348
00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:52.799
just show up.

349
00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:56.400
Just show up and say I'd like to have a tour.

350
00:20:56.440 --> 00:20:59.039
I'd like to talk to somebody that gives you a

351
00:20:59.240 --> 00:21:03.200
much clean or vision of what's going on in that facility.

352
00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:07.039
If you have an appointment scheduled, well, of course they

353
00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:11.920
know you're coming. It's those layers of information that you

354
00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:15.720
may not think about. One thing that I made sure

355
00:21:15.759 --> 00:21:18.799
to do was asked to see the kitchen, what's the

356
00:21:18.839 --> 00:21:19.720
food facility?

357
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:22.359
Like and who is in the kitchen? Is the kitchen clean?

358
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:24.920
Do you have a large enough refrigerator to have a

359
00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:28.039
good selection of food? Or is your loved one going

360
00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:31.200
to get meals that are not healthy and nutritious. Those

361
00:21:31.240 --> 00:21:33.920
are the types of questions that you start to dig through.

362
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:37.759
If you do it ahead of time, you can prepare

363
00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:42.839
yourself as opposed to needing to have something in the moment,

364
00:21:42.920 --> 00:21:46.079
which is stressful and now you're in a crisis and

365
00:21:46.119 --> 00:21:50.680
you don't have choices right. Preparing ahead of time allows

366
00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:54.200
you to have more choices right right.

367
00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:59.079
And you know, I'm thinking of my best friend. She

368
00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:03.720
is in a facility at this time, and she calls

369
00:22:03.799 --> 00:22:07.559
me regularly, and the things that she is experiencing they

370
00:22:07.559 --> 00:22:12.519
are not happy moments. And you know, I've told her

371
00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:17.200
many times I'm calling the state. I'm going to call

372
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:19.839
the state, and she says, please don't do that. You know,

373
00:22:19.920 --> 00:22:22.799
we're in a small area. We don't have too many facilities.

374
00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:23.720
I'll be put.

375
00:22:23.559 --> 00:22:27.000
Out, and they can't put you out for their negligence,

376
00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:31.400
you know, So I you know, I'm That's another reason

377
00:22:31.400 --> 00:22:35.119
why I want our listeners to have information so that

378
00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:38.720
you can do a thorough check of the facilities and

379
00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:44.000
look and see what kind of complaints that might have

380
00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:47.880
been put on help or whatever. You know, there's a

381
00:22:47.920 --> 00:22:51.640
lot of places. Don't just listen to what they say

382
00:22:51.839 --> 00:22:56.480
they do, but go do some background check because there

383
00:22:56.759 --> 00:23:00.880
there can be some elder abuse going on and you're

384
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:07.119
not aware, and so you know, it says something you're

385
00:23:07.200 --> 00:23:10.000
going to want to do a thorough check. As if

386
00:23:10.599 --> 00:23:13.759
you were getting ready to go there and have to

387
00:23:13.799 --> 00:23:16.440
stay there, you would do a very.

388
00:23:16.359 --> 00:23:17.160
Very thorough check.

389
00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:19.279
Well, make sure you do that same kind of check

390
00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:23.319
for your loved ones, because they are there twenty four

391
00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:26.599
to seven and just some of the things she tells

392
00:23:26.640 --> 00:23:31.160
me that she's experiencing and so her I said, you know,

393
00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:33.960
I can't even come drive over there to see you

394
00:23:34.039 --> 00:23:36.200
because I'm going to go off.

395
00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:44.480
That. Really that leads to another aspect of the caregiving

396
00:23:44.519 --> 00:23:47.799
that I would encourage. We talked earlier about the idea

397
00:23:47.799 --> 00:23:51.079
of embrace it early right, except that you're a caregiver.

398
00:23:51.839 --> 00:23:57.680
And with caregiving, one of the aspects that I quickly

399
00:23:57.799 --> 00:24:00.799
realized was that I had to become an ad I

400
00:24:00.920 --> 00:24:04.240
wasn't just doing the errands for my mother. I had

401
00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:07.720
to educate myself so that I could be an advocate

402
00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:11.519
for them, for your loved one, for a friend, for

403
00:24:11.599 --> 00:24:12.200
a neighbor.

404
00:24:12.599 --> 00:24:14.240
And what do I mean by that? Do I mean

405
00:24:14.279 --> 00:24:16.160
writing letters to your legislators?

406
00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:20.960
Yes, I do that, but in the moment advocacy meeting,

407
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:26.400
like your friend, I made sure that in the time frames.

408
00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:29.559
My mother had a heart attack at one point and

409
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:32.759
she had to be in a and this is when

410
00:24:32.759 --> 00:24:37.519
she was then referred to a skilled nursing facility for

411
00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:42.960
three weeks for recovery. I made sure to go to

412
00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:49.119
the facility every single day, not once a week, every

413
00:24:49.319 --> 00:24:51.920
single day, and all at different times.

414
00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:56.279
So do things begin to happen. The staff knew.

415
00:24:56.079 --> 00:24:58.960
That I was there watching, They knew that I truly

416
00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:00.880
cared about my mother, but they didn't know.

417
00:25:00.880 --> 00:25:01.799
When I would show up.

418
00:25:03.960 --> 00:25:07.119
Once I was there, I made sure that every single

419
00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:09.519
day I would comb Mom's.

420
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:12.039
Hair and style it different, and make sure her face was.

421
00:25:12.119 --> 00:25:14.839
Washed, and make sure she had lotion on, and make

422
00:25:14.920 --> 00:25:17.279
sure she was set up in bed a little bit differently.

423
00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:20.559
I changed the magazines on her table. Maybe she wasn't

424
00:25:20.559 --> 00:25:21.519
really reading them though.

425
00:25:21.519 --> 00:25:25.400
When the staff saw that, they thought, hmm, somebody is

426
00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:27.880
in here paying attention to this.

427
00:25:28.599 --> 00:25:32.440
What they might see is just an elderly, older woman

428
00:25:32.519 --> 00:25:33.599
on the decline.

429
00:25:34.359 --> 00:25:37.640
But wait a minute, she's got Time magazine sitting here

430
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:43.799
and the daily newspaper and she's put together right, simple

431
00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:47.720
things like that that show you are paying attention. And

432
00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:51.720
I would ask, you know, what are the hours of

433
00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:55.799
when people come around? Can I see what's on the

434
00:25:55.880 --> 00:26:00.480
menu for today's lunch. I'd like to see the fitness

435
00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:03.720
room where you do rehabilitation. I want to be here

436
00:26:04.799 --> 00:26:08.799
those little things of advocacy and then that topples over.

437
00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:12.319
Into any hospital visits as well. And this is crucial as.

438
00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:18.000
Family caregivers learn to become your loved one's advocate, and

439
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:21.240
part of that is simply showing up. Let the staff

440
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:24.319
know that you are there, you are present, you are

441
00:26:24.359 --> 00:26:28.160
paying attention. And this is where having a you have

442
00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:33.480
to educate yourself. Ask questions. Be kind to your staff

443
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:36.799
because they are caring for your loved one, but ask questions.

444
00:26:37.640 --> 00:26:41.839
No questions are off limits. It lets them know that

445
00:26:42.119 --> 00:26:47.119
you are educating yourself. And this is true for doctors, nurses,

446
00:26:47.240 --> 00:26:51.200
care staff. Ask questions and don't just take into space

447
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:55.119
value and go, oh okay, we'll say well, why is

448
00:26:55.160 --> 00:26:59.720
that happening, right, Explain to me why that's happening, not

449
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:03.279
negative way, but explain to me why it's happening, so

450
00:27:03.319 --> 00:27:07.440
that on the next step I can be prepared. These

451
00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:11.519
are all aspects that come into family caregiving. And quite

452
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:15.119
often we see the commercials right of a facility and

453
00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:19.200
they show somebody like checkers, and everybody's smiling and they're happy.

454
00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:23.000
They don't talk to you about the very real services

455
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:28.000
that are needing or needed of, you know, the showering,

456
00:27:28.200 --> 00:27:34.640
the toileting, the mobility, just the emotional, the fitness, the

457
00:27:34.759 --> 00:27:36.480
staff who may come and go.

458
00:27:37.960 --> 00:27:39.319
Check all of these things.

459
00:27:39.400 --> 00:27:43.000
What's the salary that the staff at any given facility is.

460
00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:47.319
Paid, right, and we know that those staff members are

461
00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:50.079
making maybe minimum wage.

462
00:27:50.920 --> 00:27:55.119
Think about the level of work that caregiving requires. McDonald's

463
00:27:55.119 --> 00:27:58.119
pays twenty dollars an hour, but some care facilities pay

464
00:27:58.240 --> 00:27:58.880
less than that.

465
00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:05.000
About the comparison, Right, it's your loved one. You have

466
00:28:05.079 --> 00:28:06.079
to be the advocate.

467
00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:10.079
You absolutely must, yes, And the wonderful thing is that

468
00:28:10.200 --> 00:28:13.920
while you're advocating for your loved one, you're going to

469
00:28:14.079 --> 00:28:19.480
also help so many others in that same situation because

470
00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:22.880
of the fact, once the care is improved for your

471
00:28:23.000 --> 00:28:26.480
loved one, look at all the other residents that are

472
00:28:26.519 --> 00:28:30.039
there that are going to benefit from better care and

473
00:28:30.119 --> 00:28:34.839
more loving attention than what's going on you know today.

474
00:28:34.920 --> 00:28:40.200
Like I said, I'm concerned about, you know, these things,

475
00:28:40.279 --> 00:28:45.720
because I'm seeing what is happening to my girlfriend in

476
00:28:45.720 --> 00:28:50.119
the facility. She's in a skilled nursing care facility. She's

477
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:52.240
been there three years. She had had a heart attack,

478
00:28:53.039 --> 00:28:54.160
she was able to walk.

479
00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:55.880
They have not.

480
00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:59.799
Given her physical therapy. She is now in a wheelchair.

481
00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:06.039
And I am, yes, I'm just beside myself about this.

482
00:29:06.200 --> 00:29:09.640
And so you have to Yeah, you have to go in,

483
00:29:09.759 --> 00:29:12.319
you have to visit. You have to pay attention so

484
00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:17.279
that your loved one is being properly cared for, whether

485
00:29:17.400 --> 00:29:21.880
it is being done through medicaid or coming or coming

486
00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:27.000
out of your pocket. Either way, they're earning fees for caring.

487
00:29:27.319 --> 00:29:30.599
They need to be caring and doing their job. And

488
00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:34.640
if they're not doing it, well, this just isn't for you, honey.

489
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:37.039
You need to go somewhere else so we can put

490
00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:38.920
somebody in here who knows how to love.

491
00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:46.279
It's a really I wish there were easy answers for

492
00:29:46.359 --> 00:29:49.000
all of us will I will share with everybody that

493
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:54.319
the first years of as my mother age, she lived first,

494
00:29:54.359 --> 00:29:56.359
she was on her own and I was back and

495
00:29:56.400 --> 00:30:00.319
forth every day, and we hired assistance just in home care.

496
00:30:00.440 --> 00:30:02.559
That it was, you know, lighthouse.

497
00:30:02.119 --> 00:30:05.519
Keeping, helping her with preparing food, keeping an eye on

498
00:30:05.559 --> 00:30:09.559
her when she took a shower. And then it progressed

499
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:14.839
to she moved back to California with me, and I

500
00:30:14.920 --> 00:30:18.519
had in home care, but I was there and I

501
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:23.839
had wonderful, wonderful ladies that I'm still friends with helping

502
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:27.559
me care for my mother, and it was a godsend.

503
00:30:28.039 --> 00:30:30.920
Near the last nine months of my mother's life, sadly,

504
00:30:31.640 --> 00:30:34.920
we had to make the choice of being in a

505
00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:35.799
care facility.

506
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:38.480
Her to climb was to.

507
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:41.880
The point where it was not safe for me to

508
00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:43.920
care for her at home, and it wasn't safe for

509
00:30:43.960 --> 00:30:48.599
her for me to care for her at home. Luckily,

510
00:30:49.279 --> 00:30:52.799
at the time the facility was locally owned, and I

511
00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:56.000
made myself a fixture there. I was there every single day,

512
00:30:56.200 --> 00:31:00.240
asking questions. And I was lucky enough because of that that.

513
00:31:00.359 --> 00:31:01.960
HR person all those years.

514
00:31:01.799 --> 00:31:05.119
Ago that suggested that I purchase a long term care

515
00:31:05.160 --> 00:31:08.720
insurance policy, which is a whole other topic for a

516
00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:14.440
whole other show. But I was able to then afford

517
00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:20.279
to higher additional care to go into the facility as well,

518
00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:22.640
to be there with her. And the reason I did

519
00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:25.880
that was this, And this is something white again back

520
00:31:25.880 --> 00:31:33.039
to the advocacy. I know that if staffing levels are

521
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:37.599
low in a facility, if you have X number of

522
00:31:37.640 --> 00:31:42.599
clients and x minus three staff, not everybody.

523
00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:43.799
Can get a shower every single day.

524
00:31:43.960 --> 00:31:45.000
It's not possible.

525
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:45.440
Right.

526
00:31:46.359 --> 00:31:49.519
If your loved one isn't getting a shower every day,

527
00:31:49.640 --> 00:31:54.240
they have a higher incidence of having bacteria.

528
00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:56.559
Of being unclean, and then they get infections.

529
00:31:56.880 --> 00:31:59.640
Right, And I know this is a really serious thing

530
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:02.359
to talk about, and everybody goes, oh, I don't want

531
00:32:02.359 --> 00:32:04.400
to know about this. But this is where being an

532
00:32:04.440 --> 00:32:09.799
advocate is so crucial once you understand that connection. As

533
00:32:09.839 --> 00:32:12.960
you mentioned your friend, you've seen a decline even though

534
00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:16.920
it should have been you know, an improvement in her

535
00:32:17.000 --> 00:32:24.680
health and situation. We have to understand the inner workings

536
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:28.839
so that we can try to support our loved one

537
00:32:28.920 --> 00:32:33.319
as much as possible. Something as simple as having additional

538
00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:36.880
care for even three hours a day allowed my mother

539
00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:40.039
to get a shower every single day, to help with

540
00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:43.920
her clothing every single day. I could prepare meals and

541
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:47.440
have my help take it over to her.

542
00:32:47.359 --> 00:32:49.880
Every day, so she was being supplemented with that.

543
00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:53.880
And what I realized was that I was blessed to

544
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:58.559
have put in place what I did, and I thought

545
00:32:58.599 --> 00:33:02.440
I was completely prepared. I had people years ago who

546
00:33:02.440 --> 00:33:05.759
were telling me to get ready. I had an insurance policy.

547
00:33:06.319 --> 00:33:09.319
I like to think I'm fairly smart. I would know how.

548
00:33:09.119 --> 00:33:12.680
To reach out for care and services and information, and

549
00:33:12.759 --> 00:33:16.119
I still found it overwhelming. And that's one of the reasons.

550
00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:18.799
Why I started keeping it real caregiving is I thought,

551
00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:23.359
man so much came at me and I was ready.

552
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:27.319
And in the time that I started.

553
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:30.880
Taking care of my mom until now, I've learned so

554
00:33:31.039 --> 00:33:34.119
much and I can talk about it, I can share

555
00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:38.400
it with people. It's on my substack. I encourage anybody

556
00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:43.680
to visit the substack, go through the archives. Topics include

557
00:33:44.799 --> 00:33:50.240
in home care, facility care, those acronyms, the paperwork you

558
00:33:50.279 --> 00:33:54.599
need to be ready, the emotional side of things through

559
00:33:55.079 --> 00:33:59.079
your loved ones items, how you find care for yourself,

560
00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:01.400
and then the different services.

561
00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:04.440
There are so many organizations that.

562
00:34:04.519 --> 00:34:08.199
Are out there sometimes it's a matter of doing a

563
00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:09.440
deep dive search.

564
00:34:10.239 --> 00:34:14.800
And I would also encourage everybody to start with start

565
00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:15.639
with AARP.

566
00:34:16.360 --> 00:34:19.760
Quite often we hear that and we think, oh, that's

567
00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:24.039
for sixty five plus or fifty five plus. The wonderful

568
00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:28.519
thing about AARP is that there is a dedicated portal

569
00:34:28.599 --> 00:34:31.119
that's focus on family caregivers.

570
00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:35.440
Right, such a wealth of information, and.

571
00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:41.599
In fact, there is a specific caregiver resource guide.

572
00:34:40.440 --> 00:34:43.000
That goes through a lot of what we're talking about.

573
00:34:44.119 --> 00:34:44.880
Start there.

574
00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:49.039
In addition, you know, by a show of hands, I'm

575
00:34:49.079 --> 00:34:51.280
just gonna guess that I can see your listeners out there.

576
00:34:51.800 --> 00:34:55.320
You know, when you hear triple A, do you think.

577
00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:59.840
Car towing service or do you think Area Agency on Aging.

578
00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:05.719
I know in the past I thought car towing. Area

579
00:35:05.960 --> 00:35:11.840
Agency on aging. Every state has them, every area has them,

580
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:14.800
So triple A that's a good place to start.

581
00:35:15.239 --> 00:35:18.639
Just go online, do a search and go into.

582
00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:22.960
Google, go into AI and say, hey, what's the Triple

583
00:35:23.039 --> 00:35:25.639
A agency in my area.

584
00:35:26.519 --> 00:35:29.639
You will then be pointed to sub.

585
00:35:29.559 --> 00:35:34.559
Services that are part of your state's Area Agency on Aging.

586
00:35:35.639 --> 00:35:40.280
These are early level research projects. I know, I'm giving

587
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:42.559
everybody like homework.

588
00:35:42.960 --> 00:35:47.039
Right, here's your homework assignment this morning, students, You're going

589
00:35:47.159 --> 00:35:48.599
to pick one item.

590
00:35:48.360 --> 00:35:49.079
And research it.

591
00:35:49.400 --> 00:35:52.320
You're going to do a quick search on area agencies

592
00:35:52.320 --> 00:35:55.360
on aging, and you're going to do a quick search

593
00:35:55.400 --> 00:36:00.199
on AARP caregiver resource guides. But the first thing you're

594
00:36:00.239 --> 00:36:02.800
going to do is start it. Keep you real caregiving

595
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:05.960
that substack dot com and then go to those. But

596
00:36:06.079 --> 00:36:10.480
within all of that you will find pointers, because again

597
00:36:10.519 --> 00:36:14.079
there's no one size fits all. You know, you may

598
00:36:14.119 --> 00:36:16.320
be caring for a spouse, you may be caring for

599
00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:19.320
an elderly relative, you might be caring for a relative

600
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:24.360
with a disability, or a friend. You may be thinking

601
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:31.199
about your own care. Statistically, there are a lot of

602
00:36:31.360 --> 00:36:35.920
single individuals in our country, and you know, we think

603
00:36:36.199 --> 00:36:38.440
the question who's going to take care of me?

604
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:42.639
And I think that question quite often, which.

605
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:45.199
Is also one of the reasons why I advocate, because

606
00:36:45.239 --> 00:36:48.559
I think, oh, oh, my mom had.

607
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:51.119
Me, but I don't have me when I get my

608
00:36:51.119 --> 00:36:51.800
mom's age.

609
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:56.039
So I have to think ahead and plant appropriately and

610
00:36:56.280 --> 00:36:58.599
know how to protect myself.

611
00:36:59.239 --> 00:37:03.719
Yes, absolutely, And I want to say to the audience

612
00:37:04.559 --> 00:37:11.440
aa ARP is a wonderful resource for information. Don't be

613
00:37:11.679 --> 00:37:17.559
embarrassed that you've hit the team. You need to be happy.

614
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:21.639
Guess what we get benefits, We get discounts.

615
00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:24.239
But not only that, you get informed.

616
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:28.159
And that is so important is to be informed, and

617
00:37:28.239 --> 00:37:30.960
you can get that information. That's how I, you know,

618
00:37:31.239 --> 00:37:34.920
was able to get a clear understanding about you know,

619
00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:40.119
making plans and different things about what to do when

620
00:37:40.119 --> 00:37:42.480
I get to that point, or what to do for

621
00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:47.199
an aging parent or spouse or whatever. And I really,

622
00:37:48.519 --> 00:37:52.719
you know, I had an opportunity to find that information

623
00:37:52.840 --> 00:37:56.400
on AARP and it's so thorough and so complete, and

624
00:37:56.400 --> 00:37:59.239
it's like, oh, this is just wonderful information.

625
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:02.039
And I love informing the audience.

626
00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:06.760
And so I thought, this is something we need to

627
00:38:06.760 --> 00:38:09.840
give to you because you are going to be in

628
00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:13.840
this situation at some point in time. You're going to

629
00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:15.440
have to deal with aging.

630
00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:20.039
Yes, and we're all agent part of life, they're all aging.

631
00:38:20.119 --> 00:38:21.679
You have two choices, everybody.

632
00:38:22.280 --> 00:38:26.960
Yes, you either continue aging and you get older, and

633
00:38:27.000 --> 00:38:28.920
you continue aging and you get.

634
00:38:28.719 --> 00:38:31.679
Older, or you're not here at all.

635
00:38:31.960 --> 00:38:34.480
Okay, those are your two choices, right, So I'm going

636
00:38:34.559 --> 00:38:38.519
to say you want choice number one, But that then

637
00:38:38.639 --> 00:38:41.800
means you will age and you will have different challenges

638
00:38:41.880 --> 00:38:43.079
in different realities.

639
00:38:43.639 --> 00:38:45.800
Yes, the sooner that you.

640
00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:51.239
Accept that and really start doing your homework, doing your research.

641
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:55.960
And it's not easy, right, it is absolutely.

642
00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:59.840
Not easy, but there are key steps that you can

643
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:03.639
start to put into place for yourself. And keep in

644
00:39:03.679 --> 00:39:09.079
mind that every single family and person it's different, right,

645
00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:14.239
because you're looking at different different norms within the family,

646
00:39:15.280 --> 00:39:19.360
you're looking at different finances, you're looking at different cultural

647
00:39:19.400 --> 00:39:24.880
backgrounds and needs, so all of those can dictate how

648
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:29.519
you move forward within this journey. And looping back to

649
00:39:29.599 --> 00:39:31.960
that idea of are you a caregiver and that you

650
00:39:32.599 --> 00:39:33.800
need that support too.

651
00:39:34.719 --> 00:39:37.079
There are many different cultural groups that.

652
00:39:37.719 --> 00:39:41.079
Not in a million years would you think about ever

653
00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:46.079
not being the person who cares for your aging parent.

654
00:39:46.639 --> 00:39:49.920
And that is wonderful, but that doesn't mean you can

655
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:55.119
ignore yourself, right, So it's still important to accept that

656
00:39:55.199 --> 00:39:58.480
you're a caregiver and then reach out for those services

657
00:39:59.599 --> 00:40:02.559
quite often. And I'll say I was guilty of this.

658
00:40:03.360 --> 00:40:06.440
If you're a type a person, you think, eh, I'm strong,

659
00:40:06.639 --> 00:40:08.679
i can do it, I can handle it all on

660
00:40:08.719 --> 00:40:09.199
my own.

661
00:40:09.400 --> 00:40:13.320
I'm good. And despite all of the.

662
00:40:13.199 --> 00:40:17.880
Information that I learned in this journey, it wasn't until

663
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:21.480
I Finally I went to my area agency on aging,

664
00:40:22.199 --> 00:40:26.239
my local community organization that was.

665
00:40:26.199 --> 00:40:29.280
Part of the Triple A, and I had a consultation

666
00:40:29.480 --> 00:40:32.079
meeting because I thought, man, if maybe I just need

667
00:40:32.119 --> 00:40:34.800
a few more hours of support in between what I

668
00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:35.840
already had in place.

669
00:40:36.280 --> 00:40:38.920
And as I filled out the forums, and I remember

670
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:41.079
the day, the young lady was asking me. She said, well,

671
00:40:41.119 --> 00:40:42.559
just tell me what your day looks like.

672
00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:44.079
This is a question.

673
00:40:44.719 --> 00:40:47.199
And once I started explaining what.

674
00:40:47.199 --> 00:40:49.039
I did from the time I got up until the

675
00:40:49.079 --> 00:40:51.159
time I went to bed, and how many years I've

676
00:40:51.239 --> 00:40:52.719
been doing that, she.

677
00:40:52.800 --> 00:40:56.440
Looked at me and she said, you need some help.

678
00:40:56.480 --> 00:40:59.519
You realize that, right, And I just started crying because

679
00:40:59.559 --> 00:41:02.840
it hit me and I thought, oh, my goodness, how

680
00:41:02.920 --> 00:41:06.320
have I been doing this? And that was with help,

681
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:10.800
and that was accepting that I was a caregiver, but

682
00:41:10.840 --> 00:41:15.079
there was still that much extra emotional aspect to it.

683
00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:18.039
You know, we haven't even talked about the medical side

684
00:41:18.079 --> 00:41:20.960
of If you're caring for somebody who's not just aging

685
00:41:21.039 --> 00:41:26.360
but has a medical condition, a whole different level of advocacy.

686
00:41:27.239 --> 00:41:29.840
It's place, does your loved.

687
00:41:29.599 --> 00:41:34.920
One have Alzheimer's or another type of dementia, complete different

688
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:40.280
type of caregiving, and quite often what we tend to

689
00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:46.159
see is that services will treat conditions, but they won't

690
00:41:46.199 --> 00:41:52.079
treat the people facing those conditions right right right, So

691
00:41:52.920 --> 00:41:55.519
you know, I had to learn everything I could about

692
00:41:55.599 --> 00:41:58.599
diabetes because my mother was diabetic. But I also had

693
00:41:58.599 --> 00:42:00.440
to learn as much as I could about her Parkinson's

694
00:42:00.519 --> 00:42:05.360
disease because she had Parkinson's. So it wasn't just caregiving,

695
00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:09.800
and it wasn't just the advocacy. It was learning all

696
00:42:10.079 --> 00:42:14.840
these little nuances. And by the time I said goodbye

697
00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:20.480
to my mother, I think I had several Again, I

698
00:42:20.519 --> 00:42:23.239
had several doctors say to me, are you a nurse,

699
00:42:23.840 --> 00:42:26.199
And I said, no, I've just been caring for my

700
00:42:26.320 --> 00:42:28.280
mother for five years, having.

701
00:42:28.079 --> 00:42:31.760
To be lifting. So I had to understand medications.

702
00:42:31.800 --> 00:42:35.360
I had to understand how those medications affected her. I

703
00:42:35.400 --> 00:42:38.719
had to understand what that meant once she was in

704
00:42:38.760 --> 00:42:44.039
a facility. So many layers of things that I like

705
00:42:44.119 --> 00:42:48.280
to say, you don't know what you don't know family

706
00:42:48.360 --> 00:42:49.960
caregiving that.

707
00:42:49.920 --> 00:42:55.440
Can be It's critical that we try to figure out

708
00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:56.079
what we don't know.

709
00:42:56.800 --> 00:42:59.119
Yes, yes, yes, that.

710
00:42:59.199 --> 00:43:03.280
Is having these conversations and reaching out to people, and

711
00:43:03.440 --> 00:43:08.079
no question is off limits. Or out of bounds because

712
00:43:08.159 --> 00:43:11.320
someone out there probably has dealt with it.

713
00:43:12.039 --> 00:43:14.079
And the wonderful thing about our world.

714
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:16.800
Now is that we have all of these wonderful tech connections,

715
00:43:17.199 --> 00:43:19.840
and we have social media, and we have ways to

716
00:43:19.960 --> 00:43:24.599
engage with people to be able to just ask questions.

717
00:43:25.519 --> 00:43:26.760
It's lived experience.

718
00:43:27.440 --> 00:43:30.719
So again, we're not doctors, we're not nurses, we're not lawyers,

719
00:43:31.000 --> 00:43:35.480
we're not accountants, but we've lived in so we can

720
00:43:35.519 --> 00:43:39.519
at least talk about it and guide people as to

721
00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:43.440
some of the key things that they can look at

722
00:43:43.480 --> 00:43:45.119
and start to research.

723
00:43:46.480 --> 00:43:49.760
Well, one of the things, like you were mentioning, because

724
00:43:50.079 --> 00:43:54.679
we are maybe the child or the sibling or whatever,

725
00:43:54.880 --> 00:43:57.920
we want to be the one to go in and

726
00:43:58.000 --> 00:44:00.599
assist with that care and to help with that care.

727
00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:06.639
But at some point in time it becomes overwhelming and

728
00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:11.760
there are warning signs that you're starting to get burnout.

729
00:44:12.519 --> 00:44:16.039
What shouldn't they be doing those that are trying to

730
00:44:16.079 --> 00:44:19.599
do caregiving and we all are going to all do that,

731
00:44:20.320 --> 00:44:23.119
but then there's a time where we have to say no, no, no,

732
00:44:23.719 --> 00:44:26.039
you know, what should they be doing when they reach

733
00:44:26.119 --> 00:44:30.599
that burnout or even notice that they're starting to burn out?

734
00:44:31.679 --> 00:44:35.360
Yeah, and again, there's no one size fits all.

735
00:44:35.800 --> 00:44:37.679
But it's so important to.

736
00:44:39.559 --> 00:44:42.239
Accept that you don't have to be a superman or

737
00:44:42.239 --> 00:44:45.079
a superwoman, right And that brings up a good point too.

738
00:44:45.320 --> 00:44:45.519
You know.

739
00:44:46.400 --> 00:44:51.679
Still traditionally people think caregivers women, it's men, it's women,

740
00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:56.079
it's older, it's younger. It covers all demos of our

741
00:44:56.119 --> 00:45:01.639
population right now, it is so important to reach out

742
00:45:01.760 --> 00:45:05.320
for help and understand that that help may come in

743
00:45:05.320 --> 00:45:10.199
different forms. Asking for help in any amount does not

744
00:45:10.360 --> 00:45:13.880
mean that you don't love your loved one. It doesn't

745
00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:15.719
mean that you're weak or that you haven't done the

746
00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:20.320
right things. It needs that you are being very cognizant

747
00:45:20.400 --> 00:45:24.360
of the fact that what you're looking at is a

748
00:45:24.360 --> 00:45:29.159
little bit overwhelming. I would encourage anybody to again reach

749
00:45:29.199 --> 00:45:33.880
out to your triple A. There are services available to

750
00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:37.760
that depending on if you have a primary care doctor.

751
00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:40.599
You're probably attached to some sort of hospital or clinic.

752
00:45:41.079 --> 00:45:43.119
Reach out to the clinic and ask if they have

753
00:45:43.239 --> 00:45:46.360
a support group. Quite often your local clinics will have

754
00:45:46.440 --> 00:45:47.199
something like that.

755
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:49.039
Check your local libraries.

756
00:45:49.800 --> 00:45:53.400
Quite often there are organic groups that pop up and

757
00:45:53.440 --> 00:46:00.119
it's specifically for this topic of just sharing information and

758
00:46:00.440 --> 00:46:07.039
contacts support your caregiver. Resource guides throughout each state are

759
00:46:07.079 --> 00:46:08.280
slightly different.

760
00:46:11.119 --> 00:46:12.440
And within yourself.

761
00:46:12.679 --> 00:46:17.559
Again, take off the Superwoman cave, take off the Superman cave.

762
00:46:18.280 --> 00:46:22.840
Look around your circle and say, Okay, if today's Tuesday,

763
00:46:23.320 --> 00:46:25.920
and I know on Wednesdays, I need to go to

764
00:46:25.960 --> 00:46:28.800
the pharmacy and pick up medications for mom or dad

765
00:46:29.000 --> 00:46:31.639
or friend, but I have all these other things to do,

766
00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:35.599
and I'm not going to have time for all. Maybe

767
00:46:35.719 --> 00:46:39.079
it's asking a friend and say, hey, listen, are you

768
00:46:39.239 --> 00:46:41.119
going to the grocery store anytime this week?

769
00:46:41.119 --> 00:46:43.400
Can I give you my list and have you grab

770
00:46:43.480 --> 00:46:45.920
me a few things, because you might.

771
00:46:45.800 --> 00:46:48.119
Not be able to give up the idea of you know,

772
00:46:48.199 --> 00:46:49.880
you might have to be able to take care of

773
00:46:49.960 --> 00:46:52.239
prescriptions yourself, but these.

774
00:46:52.119 --> 00:46:54.800
Other things, you know, delegating.

775
00:46:55.119 --> 00:46:57.239
Is there something that you can take off your plate

776
00:46:57.320 --> 00:47:03.239
that you could ask for help? Quite often people will say, well,

777
00:47:03.519 --> 00:47:08.239
other family members should help more. I have an article

778
00:47:08.320 --> 00:47:13.440
called Vanishing Sibling Syndrome which was one of my favorite

779
00:47:13.519 --> 00:47:19.000
articles and also a personal sense that rather than asking

780
00:47:19.079 --> 00:47:22.199
for help, people sometimes just let it do that other

781
00:47:22.239 --> 00:47:26.760
people aren't offering to help. Remember, if you're in the

782
00:47:26.840 --> 00:47:29.800
thick of caregiving, you see it, you live it. Those

783
00:47:29.840 --> 00:47:32.639
around you may not really understand what you're going through.

784
00:47:32.679 --> 00:47:35.639
The chances are they unless they've lived it, they don't.

785
00:47:36.280 --> 00:47:43.199
Including family members, I encourage people to not expect or

786
00:47:43.239 --> 00:47:45.800
anticipate other family to just jump in.

787
00:47:46.199 --> 00:47:47.320
You have to explain to.

788
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:51.440
Them what help do you need and understand that you

789
00:47:51.559 --> 00:47:54.800
might not get the answer you want or the answer

790
00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:57.159
you hope for, and that's.

791
00:47:56.960 --> 00:47:58.239
Okay, right.

792
00:47:59.079 --> 00:48:02.320
Maybe you have a one who says I just don't

793
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:07.000
have the emotional capacity or the time to handle this, okay.

794
00:48:07.239 --> 00:48:09.840
Rather than using your energy to be mad at that person,

795
00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:12.119
maybe you say, all right.

796
00:48:12.039 --> 00:48:15.639
What can you help with? Can you maybe help me

797
00:48:15.840 --> 00:48:18.199
with again groceries?

798
00:48:18.679 --> 00:48:21.480
Maybe you can help by chipping in X dollars a

799
00:48:21.559 --> 00:48:23.559
month so I could hire someone for.

800
00:48:23.559 --> 00:48:29.119
Two hours a day. Maybe you could set aside one

801
00:48:29.199 --> 00:48:31.880
day a week to do zoom calls with our loved one.

802
00:48:31.920 --> 00:48:35.920
Whatever that is. Think outside the box so that it

803
00:48:36.039 --> 00:48:38.599
can give you windows.

804
00:48:38.079 --> 00:48:44.079
Of opportunity to take a break for you, right, because

805
00:48:44.079 --> 00:48:47.840
if you burn out and get more down and get

806
00:48:47.920 --> 00:48:52.679
sick and statistically, studies show that caregivers have a higher

807
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:57.079
incident of having our own health issues. All we're caring

808
00:48:57.159 --> 00:49:01.760
for and afterwards from the stress and the strain that's

809
00:49:01.800 --> 00:49:07.000
been internalized. So important to look at your big picture

810
00:49:07.159 --> 00:49:11.239
and then say, okay, where could I possibly ask for help?

811
00:49:11.360 --> 00:49:13.039
And don't be afraid to ask for it?

812
00:49:13.960 --> 00:49:14.199
Good.

813
00:49:15.400 --> 00:49:19.199
Tell our audience how to get in touch with you

814
00:49:19.559 --> 00:49:23.800
and the information that you are able to provide and

815
00:49:24.239 --> 00:49:29.159
get your newsletter and substacks, but all of that.

816
00:49:30.079 --> 00:49:31.199
Super super easy.

817
00:49:33.320 --> 00:49:38.559
Keeping it real caregiving And that title came from just

818
00:49:38.639 --> 00:49:40.639
thinking about, you.

819
00:49:40.599 --> 00:49:41.360
Know, keeping it real.

820
00:49:41.480 --> 00:49:43.360
I wanted to talk about the things that you never

821
00:49:43.400 --> 00:49:46.559
see in commercials, right, and I thought. I sat down

822
00:49:46.599 --> 00:49:48.639
and I thought one day of all the things that

823
00:49:48.679 --> 00:49:52.360
I had learned while caring for my mom, and.

824
00:49:52.280 --> 00:49:54.320
I thought, keeping it real, that's what I want to do.

825
00:49:54.480 --> 00:49:59.000
I want to help people learn aspects that we don't

826
00:49:59.039 --> 00:50:02.320
ever hear about. So you can find me on my

827
00:50:02.440 --> 00:50:08.239
substack Keeping It Realcaregiving dot substack dot com.

828
00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:09.800
It's a free publication.

829
00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:13.719
Although I do accept paid subscriptions as a support. I

830
00:50:13.719 --> 00:50:17.400
don't believe that this information should be behind a paywall,

831
00:50:19.559 --> 00:50:26.039
so paid subscriptions are appreciated. I am so appreciative Angela

832
00:50:26.079 --> 00:50:28.599
for being here. I have five years where the content

833
00:50:28.760 --> 00:50:33.679
on my substack because I started writing about three months

834
00:50:33.719 --> 00:50:34.960
after my mom passed.

835
00:50:36.239 --> 00:50:38.119
While I was in it, I wanted to share stories,

836
00:50:38.159 --> 00:50:39.360
but I didn't have the capacity.

837
00:50:39.400 --> 00:50:42.639
I didn't have the bandwidth. And then afterwards that was

838
00:50:42.719 --> 00:50:46.559
my way of sorting through this grief and loss, of

839
00:50:46.599 --> 00:50:49.440
saying goodbye to my mom. But I also knew that

840
00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:54.519
I had absolutely zero regrets because I went above and

841
00:50:54.559 --> 00:50:58.480
beyond and did everything I could plus some to care

842
00:50:58.519 --> 00:51:02.480
for her and give her a good final chapter. My

843
00:51:02.639 --> 00:51:05.960
wish in all of this is that everybody could have

844
00:51:06.039 --> 00:51:07.199
been cared for the way.

845
00:51:07.079 --> 00:51:07.920
Miss Nelly was.

846
00:51:08.719 --> 00:51:11.480
Yes, and that's what we're trying, you know.

847
00:51:11.880 --> 00:51:15.880
And so in order to do that, we all have

848
00:51:15.960 --> 00:51:16.920
to be advocates.

849
00:51:17.559 --> 00:51:21.880
We have to learn how the system works. We have

850
00:51:22.119 --> 00:51:23.239
to reach out.

851
00:51:23.119 --> 00:51:27.320
To our legislators and let and tell them these things,

852
00:51:27.519 --> 00:51:32.639
write letters support, get involved with an advocacy group. And

853
00:51:33.320 --> 00:51:37.599
I encourage everyone and not to be political people, but

854
00:51:38.559 --> 00:51:43.239
we in this space of aging and caregiving, you absolutely

855
00:51:43.440 --> 00:51:46.559
must understand policy over party.

856
00:51:47.320 --> 00:51:49.079
Yes, the one thing.

857
00:51:48.960 --> 00:51:52.840
That connects all of us, regardless of our beliefs, is

858
00:51:52.880 --> 00:51:54.400
that we are getting older.

859
00:51:54.800 --> 00:51:58.159
Our nation is getting older, and we still.

860
00:51:57.960 --> 00:52:02.159
Are sorely ill prepared for an aging population.

861
00:52:02.639 --> 00:52:06.800
So no policies that we put in place will make

862
00:52:06.840 --> 00:52:09.360
a difference for what our futures look like.

863
00:52:09.480 --> 00:52:13.519
So we absolutely have to understand what's happening in our

864
00:52:13.559 --> 00:52:20.960
individual communities and then get involved, because that is absolutely well.

865
00:52:21.000 --> 00:52:24.039
I want to thank you so much for joining us

866
00:52:24.079 --> 00:52:27.920
today and all of this wonderful information, and I want

867
00:52:27.960 --> 00:52:31.400
to thank our audience for joining us and be sure

868
00:52:31.639 --> 00:52:35.559
that you get in touch with this information so that

869
00:52:35.639 --> 00:52:38.639
you can be able to care for your loved ones.

870
00:52:39.480 --> 00:52:43.840
We're a Sharp Outlook. We're here every Monday at eleven

871
00:52:43.880 --> 00:52:48.840
am Eastern time eight am Pacific time. We're here to

872
00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:52.280
give you information so you can have your best self

873
00:52:52.920 --> 00:52:57.119
and have a great business. And the one thing we

874
00:52:57.199 --> 00:53:02.000
do here is make sure that you stay informed.

875
00:53:05.880 --> 00:53:08.000
I want to thank you for joining us on a

876
00:53:08.119 --> 00:53:11.840
Sharp Outlook. We have been informed and energized to take

877
00:53:11.880 --> 00:53:12.679
the next steps.

878
00:53:13.199 --> 00:53:16.719
We have posted links to websites and videos to learn

879
00:53:16.760 --> 00:53:18.119
more on today's topic.

880
00:53:18.719 --> 00:53:22.159
Please join us again next week or another thought provoking

881
00:53:22.239 --> 00:53:27.000
conversation right here on k for HD radio and talk

882
00:53:27.119 --> 00:53:27.800
for TV.

883
00:53:28.719 --> 00:53:32.840
Listen to the podcast on all the podcast apps, and

884
00:53:32.960 --> 00:53:35.559
until next week, stay informed.