Caregivers Need Care Too: Support and Services

0:01 This program is designed to provide general information with regards to the subject matters covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal, counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas. Hello, and thank you for tuning in to a Sharp Outlook on pay for HD Radio and Talk or TV. I am Angela Sharp, your host.

0:42 I'll arm to your discussions with industry experts will give you the steps, tools and information to be successful in business and to prepare you to be your best self. Hello, I'm Angela Sharp, and thank you for joining us today on a Sharp Outlook. Today we're going to talk about caregivers and taking care of family members, friends, neighbors, whomever it might be. I want you to know today we're going to talk about that caregivers need care too, and finding out the support in the services that are available to be the best. Caregiver that you can be. Caring for a loved one can be rewarding, demanding, and life changing, but many people take on the responsibility of caregiving without recognizing themselves as a caregiver or knowing where to find help.

1:37 Well. Today I will be talking with Julia Yarborough, who has not only been a journalist but also a former caregiver, and she's going to talk about the steps that you will go through as being a caregiver. She is a multi Emmy Award winning broadcast journalist name Julia has more than twenty five years experience anchoring, reporting, producing news content, and she also has served as a family caregiver to her aging and now deceased mother. That experience has motivated Julia to educate others about family caregiving, be an advocate for improved services, and partner with organizations with a health focused mission. She will share lessons from her personal caregiving journey while explaining the many rules the caregivers performs, the challenges they face, and the resources that can support them.

2:42 The conversation is going to explore family communications, caregiver stress finding services, preparing for changing needs, and how to recognize when you have become a caregiver, the emotional and practical demands involved, and the services and resources that can help. Whether you are caring for a parent, a spouse, relative, a neighbor, a friend. I believe this episode offers guidance for understanding and role and asking for help and how to navigate that caregiving journey. As I mentioned before, Julia Yoper is here to have that conversation with us today, and i'd like to invite her to the show.

3:29 Good morning, Angela, thank you so much for having me on, and good morning everybody who's joining us. Thank you. Yes, absolutely well, it is my privilege to have you here with your background and all of the work that you have done in journalism and Emmy awards and things like that, so so many just wonderful things you have accomplished, and now you are focusing so much on something that is going to affect all of us at some point in time, whether you be a caregiver or someone who's going to eventually need care. This information is really, really, really critical for our listeners today, and so I just want to say, you know, what led you to become involved in this caregiving conversation.

4:23 Well, you know, as I was listening to your introduction and welcoming everybody, you. Know, family caregiving, professional caregiving, It encompasses so much. Right, we're talking sixty five plus million people here in the US right, And we've. Watched those numbers climb over the last ten years. So it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when right, Because when we look at the statistics of how many people are family caregivers, you either have been, you are, or you will be right. That's the spectrum for all of us. So when we look at the idea of family caregiving and how much information is necessary, I just want to say again I'm thankful to be here with you this morning, and to put this into perspective.

5:09 I've been sharing information about caregiving. My very first story on family caregiving and what maybe coming down the pike for. Us was in twenty fifteen. Was the first story that I did on family right or now I'm in twenty twenty six and many of the same issues I'm seeing. And so my background, as you mentioned, I come from the world of journalism, broadcast news as a reporter, anchor producer. So I'm a storyteller. I'm a storyteller at heart, and then I began caring for my now deceease mother and one of the key things that you touched on and we can dive into it. More is that when I first started caring for my mother, I didn't identify.

5:55 Myself as a caregiver. I was just helping out my mom, who I knew was aging. So that was very early on and then evolved into what I call the hands on, heavy duty lifting of caregiving. So rather than me ramble on which I sometimes do, Oh, you. Asked me a question about that, and I will answer and we can have that discussion. I don't want to go too deep into the weeds, but I would say that my caregiving. Journey actually started in twenty. May have been twenty twelve, no sooner than that, because it was when my mother was in northern California and I was living in South Florida, and I moved her closer to me, So that actually would have been two thousand and six, I believe two thousand and six or two thousand and seven.

6:50 I didn't realize that I was a caregiver then, but I was. Yeah, And that's one of the things that people don't realize when they became and just trying to help out and aide your parent or a friend or something like that. They just begin, but they don't realize that they have become caregivers and need a little more understanding and knowledge and support and assistance as things begin to even you know, develop and things begin. To change, you know, exactly exactly. So as you were bringing or there and this, that and the other, what was the moment when you realize how difficult it can be to navigate caregiving and caregiving services.

7:40 Because I'm sure as the years went on, so did the amount of things that you needed to provide for your mother. Oh exactly. And one of the things that I would encourage everybody to do is you know, you may be helping out a loved one and you think I'm not a care Here are some things that can be very specific guidelines. Ask yourself. Are you taking your loved one to and from doctor's appointments and being the point person for them? Are you doing grocery shopping? Are you helping with house cleaning? Are you helping to navigate some of their social circles? Are you needing to actually schedule doctor's appointments? If you are doing any end or all of those things, you are a family caregiver, whether you identify with that or not.

8:34 One thing that I would highly encourage people to do and if I could roll the clock back for myself. The sooner you can identify that you are a caregiver, the sooner your brain starts to move in a different way where you can then understand, Okay, this isn't going away, It's not just a dream. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and it's gone. You can then move into action and say, okay, here's the reality. Let me start looking at my resources. And yes, starting early is the key. Every community is different, every state is different, every county is different, every community within those counties is different.

9:15 Do you live urban, do you live rural? Right? How many resources might be in your area. So all of those things encompass how you decide what extra care you may need for yourself and for your loved one. So the sooner you embrace this idea that yes, I'm a caregiver, the sooner you can begin mapping out what. You need to do, who you can contact. And what your resources are in your region. I cannot stress enough to start early. One of the things that we talked about earlier, and I've seen in my years of working in this field, is that so often we wait until we're in a crisis.

9:59 At that point. It's too late because. Now your loved one is likely overwhelmed or on a crisis point, and you personally are overwhelmed and in a crisis point. Start early, right. I like to say, look forward and choose a worst case scenario and then work backwards of if. This happens, I do this. If this happens, I do this, have. A plan so that if the worst never happens, you're good, right, but if it does, you at least have a chart, You have a roadmap, you have a plan, right, and that is key for family caregivers. So embrace it quickly, embrace it early, and understand that you are part of a million person.

10:47 Family in our country right now. You are not alone. It's not new. It's new to you if you are just joining, but there are people who have been there, who have done it can help you. Right. And as you were saying, making a plan, just like you make plans for a vacation, you should make plans for your elderly parents or maybe even a child that you know might have a specific disability. And it's becoming you know worse, have a plan, you know, find out you know all of those important legal documents, where are they where are they kept, who are the contacts that need to be addressed? Start there and then from there, then you start looking at different facilities that might be in the area they're at and interviewing and talking to them and researching them to find out whether or not they're a good service, you know, just all those kinds of things, and then and write it down. It doesn't hard to write it down, or you know everybody's trying to use it. Have that little bit, but you know, give you all the steps, you'll get more than you ever wanted to get.

12:07 Oh exactly. And there's it can be overwhelming. You know. I don't like to sugarcoat it for people because but at the same time, I don't want them to shut down. Right. One of the things that I like to say is, you know, this isn't like going online and watching dancing cats, eating pizza and space right, that's fun. In my list, this is heavy duty, and yes it can be exhausting. But the sooner you put a plan in place, I like to say, a practical plan, prepare right and within those categories as you mentioned, start early. I'll share a quick little story with you if I can.

12:47 Years ago again, when my mother first moved to South Florida near me. She didn't live with me, she lived near me. Thankfully, I had an HR director who was a wonderful, wonderful woman, and not only did she know her craft, but she knew her clients, those of us who worked. In the building, and she knew that my mother lived near me, and she knew that my mother was older. She talked to me early on about what that might look like as my mother aged. And she was the first person who talked to me about the idea of maybe looking at a different type of insurance to put in place for my mother. So that was number one. I had somebody who was already in my corner, even before I realized it. I had another friend who had taken care of his grandparents when he was younger, and he kept saying, you know, Julia, you're going to probably be taking care of your mother, miss Nellie.

13:40 You might want to put some plans in place. And I was like, no, no, no, don't want to talk about it, don't want to think about it, you know, talk to the hand, as they say. But he insisted, and he said, we should go visit facility. So you have an idea of what they are. Now, I don't lie and say I ever did that, but he planted c so that when the years rolled on, I understood what he meant by visiting facilities. Because one of the things that you will understand as you go through this journey is I call it learning your acronyms. There are a lot of acronyms within the aging and care field. Again, this is a surface conversation because there's so many.

14:24 Places that we can dive deep. But one aspect that people early on must absolutely understand is there is something called SNF Skilled men Facility and there is something called ALF assisted Living facility. Two very different types of care facilities. So as you enter into this, it's important to research the. Definitions of both of those because what type of insurance impacts what type of care, And it's truly important for people to understand the difference between ALF and SNF. And more important than anything else out there is that people often think, well, my parent or my loved.

15:15 One has Medicare, I'll be fine. Medicare does not cover private facility care. It does not. That is private pay in your pocket, your money right, so you can see it already within fifteen minutes of our conversation of how many layers of information John, and we haven't even really taken a deep dive. That gives you an idea why it's so important to start early and understand what you're working with, so that you know the terms, you know your resources, and as you mentioned, you know what's your family's plan. Do you know where those important papers are?

15:58 Acronyms? And I'm happy to share with everybody. I have a couple of articles where I break down the acronyms you S N A A L S, PO A, post, P O, L S T, all. These things that if you've never heard of them, you go, what. Right? So yeah, and I think, like you're saying, there's so much involved, and you're we're talking about you being involved in something that you're not that familiar with. There, sooner that you go out and maybe just to start doing some research. Like I said, you can just go out there and ask ask questions on you know, on a chat somewhere and at least get what you said, a breakdown of the what those mean and why you need to know them and when would you need to use them?

16:55 And for instance, because you know there may be a way where you might I have in home care, but you know, you need to know what you should be expecting if you're going to consider in home care. You know, who is that person? How do I know I can rely on them? How do I know they're going to take good care of my family member? You know, just so many different things, and so that you don't end up with a whole lot of anxiety, get it done up front, so that you already know, Okay, this is who I'm going to call and something would occur of this is who I'm what I'm going to do, This is who I'm going to direct, you know, my mother or my father or whomever to Let's just go and just drive over there and look at it and see if that was something that you would enjoy. You know, don't wait until they don't recognize things and things like that.

17:55 You know, that way, I have been part of the decision making. And the sooner you start, the more you can have a handle on what may be necessary. And I think something really important that you just said of you know, exploring your options. And again, every community is different, and this is this is where it's key. I encourage everybody to you know, this week. In fact, here's here's a challenge for all of your listeners. Pick one thing and say, you know what, I'm going to research that and maybe it never comes to pass, but doing that one topic will help you understand of what comes next.

18:38 So, for instance, you mentioned in home care. Incredibly valuable if you can find those services. What we're seeing around the country in almost every community is that a large number of companies that provide those services are having a hard time finding staff and keeping staff right. So in our minds we think, oh well, I'll just hire a company. Start early, because you might discover that. You have a harder time than you thought finding a company in your area that actually has services that will provide what you need. It's also important to understand the company who owns it.

19:25 Is it family owned or is it owned by a large conglomerate. Again, a lot of the information I share with people this is based on lived experience. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a nurse. Although I've been asked if I was a nurse. After several years of caring for my mom. The doctors thought, you know so much. I said, well, it's because I've been caring for my mother and I had to learn. It's important to know how to research the companies. Some states you can go through and the companies are listed under social services. In other states they're listed under business services. So you have to figure out your state's breakdown so.

20:12 That you can do a history search of the company. There are a number of different resources where you can see do they have. Any lawsuits against them, do they have any outstanding citations against them? And what were these citations for. I believe there are some wonderful people working in the care industry, but I'd also believe that there are a lot of individuals or companies or consortiums. That are in it for the money. One thing that I would encourage you to do. Stop buy facilities without an appointment and demand that you just show up.

20:54 Just show up and say I'd like to have a tour. I'd like to talk to somebody that gives you a much clean or vision of what's going on in that facility. If you have an appointment scheduled, well, of course they know you're coming. It's those layers of information that you may not think about. One thing that I made sure to do was asked to see the kitchen, what's the food facility? Like and who is in the kitchen? Is the kitchen clean? Do you have a large enough refrigerator to have a good selection of food? Or is your loved one going to get meals that are not healthy and nutritious. Those are the types of questions that you start to dig through.

21:34 If you do it ahead of time, you can prepare yourself as opposed to needing to have something in the moment, which is stressful and now you're in a crisis and you don't have choices right. Preparing ahead of time allows you to have more choices right right. And you know, I'm thinking of my best friend. She is in a facility at this time, and she calls me regularly, and the things that she is experiencing they are not happy moments. And you know, I've told her many times I'm calling the state. I'm going to call the state, and she says, please don't do that. You know, we're in a small area. We don't have too many facilities.

22:22 I'll be put. Out, and they can't put you out for their negligence, you know, So I you know, I'm That's another reason why I want our listeners to have information so that you can do a thorough check of the facilities and look and see what kind of complaints that might have been put on help or whatever. You know, there's a lot of places. Don't just listen to what they say they do, but go do some background check because there there can be some elder abuse going on and you're not aware, and so you know, it says something you're going to want to do a thorough check. As if you were getting ready to go there and have to stay there, you would do a very.

23:16 Very thorough check. Well, make sure you do that same kind of check for your loved ones, because they are there twenty four to seven and just some of the things she tells me that she's experiencing and so her I said, you know, I can't even come drive over there to see you because I'm going to go off. That. Really that leads to another aspect of the caregiving that I would encourage. We talked earlier about the idea of embrace it early right, except that you're a caregiver. And with caregiving, one of the aspects that I quickly realized was that I had to become an ad I wasn't just doing the errands for my mother. I had to educate myself so that I could be an advocate for them, for your loved one, for a friend, for a neighbor.

24:12 And what do I mean by that? Do I mean writing letters to your legislators? Yes, I do that, but in the moment advocacy meeting, like your friend, I made sure that in the time frames. My mother had a heart attack at one point and she had to be in a and this is when she was then referred to a skilled nursing facility for three weeks for recovery. I made sure to go to the facility every single day, not once a week, every single day, and all at different times. So do things begin to happen. The staff knew.

24:56 That I was there watching, They knew that I truly cared about my mother, but they didn't know. When I would show up. Once I was there, I made sure that every single day I would comb Mom's. Hair and style it different, and make sure her face was. Washed, and make sure she had lotion on, and make sure she was set up in bed a little bit differently. I changed the magazines on her table. Maybe she wasn't really reading them though. When the staff saw that, they thought, hmm, somebody is in here paying attention to this. What they might see is just an elderly, older woman on the decline. But wait a minute, she's got Time magazine sitting here and the daily newspaper and she's put together right, simple things like that that show you are paying attention. And I would ask, you know, what are the hours of when people come around? Can I see what's on the menu for today's lunch. I'd like to see the fitness room where you do rehabilitation. I want to be here those little things of advocacy and then that topples over.

26:08 Into any hospital visits as well. And this is crucial as. Family caregivers learn to become your loved one's advocate, and part of that is simply showing up. Let the staff know that you are there, you are present, you are paying attention. And this is where having a you have to educate yourself. Ask questions. Be kind to your staff because they are caring for your loved one, but ask questions. No questions are off limits. It lets them know that you are educating yourself. And this is true for doctors, nurses, care staff. Ask questions and don't just take into space value and go, oh okay, we'll say well, why is that happening, right, Explain to me why that's happening, not negative way, but explain to me why it's happening, so that on the next step I can be prepared. These are all aspects that come into family caregiving. And quite often we see the commercials right of a facility and they show somebody like checkers, and everybody's smiling and they're happy.

27:19 They don't talk to you about the very real services that are needing or needed of, you know, the showering, the toileting, the mobility, just the emotional, the fitness, the staff who may come and go. Check all of these things. What's the salary that the staff at any given facility is. Paid, right, and we know that those staff members are making maybe minimum wage. Think about the level of work that caregiving requires. McDonald's pays twenty dollars an hour, but some care facilities pay less than that.

28:00 About the comparison, Right, it's your loved one. You have to be the advocate. You absolutely must, yes, And the wonderful thing is that while you're advocating for your loved one, you're going to also help so many others in that same situation because of the fact, once the care is improved for your loved one, look at all the other residents that are there that are going to benefit from better care and more loving attention than what's going on you know today. Like I said, I'm concerned about, you know, these things, because I'm seeing what is happening to my girlfriend in the facility. She's in a skilled nursing care facility. She's been there three years. She had had a heart attack, she was able to walk.

28:55 They have not. Given her physical therapy. She is now in a wheelchair. And I am, yes, I'm just beside myself about this. And so you have to Yeah, you have to go in, you have to visit. You have to pay attention so that your loved one is being properly cared for, whether it is being done through medicaid or coming or coming out of your pocket. Either way, they're earning fees for caring. They need to be caring and doing their job. And if they're not doing it, well, this just isn't for you, honey. You need to go somewhere else so we can put somebody in here who knows how to love.

29:40 It's a really I wish there were easy answers for all of us will I will share with everybody that the first years of as my mother age, she lived first, she was on her own and I was back and forth every day, and we hired assistance just in home care. That it was, you know, lighthouse. Keeping, helping her with preparing food, keeping an eye on her when she took a shower. And then it progressed to she moved back to California with me, and I had in home care, but I was there and I had wonderful, wonderful ladies that I'm still friends with helping me care for my mother, and it was a godsend.

30:28 Near the last nine months of my mother's life, sadly, we had to make the choice of being in a care facility. Her to climb was to. The point where it was not safe for me to care for her at home, and it wasn't safe for her for me to care for her at home. Luckily, at the time the facility was locally owned, and I made myself a fixture there. I was there every single day, asking questions. And I was lucky enough because of that that. HR person all those years. Ago that suggested that I purchase a long term care insurance policy, which is a whole other topic for a whole other show. But I was able to then afford to higher additional care to go into the facility as well, to be there with her. And the reason I did that was this, And this is something white again back to the advocacy. I know that if staffing levels are low in a facility, if you have X number of clients and x minus three staff, not everybody.

31:42 Can get a shower every single day. It's not possible. Right. If your loved one isn't getting a shower every day, they have a higher incidence of having bacteria. Of being unclean, and then they get infections. Right, And I know this is a really serious thing to talk about, and everybody goes, oh, I don't want to know about this. But this is where being an advocate is so crucial once you understand that connection. As you mentioned your friend, you've seen a decline even though it should have been you know, an improvement in her health and situation. We have to understand the inner workings so that we can try to support our loved one as much as possible. Something as simple as having additional care for even three hours a day allowed my mother to get a shower every single day, to help with her clothing every single day. I could prepare meals and have my help take it over to her.

32:47 Every day, so she was being supplemented with that. And what I realized was that I was blessed to have put in place what I did, and I thought I was completely prepared. I had people years ago who were telling me to get ready. I had an insurance policy. I like to think I'm fairly smart. I would know how. To reach out for care and services and information, and I still found it overwhelming. And that's one of the reasons. Why I started keeping it real caregiving is I thought, man so much came at me and I was ready. And in the time that I started. Taking care of my mom until now, I've learned so much and I can talk about it, I can share it with people. It's on my substack. I encourage anybody to visit the substack, go through the archives. Topics include in home care, facility care, those acronyms, the paperwork you need to be ready, the emotional side of things through your loved ones items, how you find care for yourself, and then the different services.

34:01 There are so many organizations that. Are out there sometimes it's a matter of doing a deep dive search. And I would also encourage everybody to start with start with AARP. Quite often we hear that and we think, oh, that's for sixty five plus or fifty five plus. The wonderful thing about AARP is that there is a dedicated portal that's focus on family caregivers. Right, such a wealth of information, and. In fact, there is a specific caregiver resource guide. That goes through a lot of what we're talking about.

34:44 Start there. In addition, you know, by a show of hands, I'm just gonna guess that I can see your listeners out there. You know, when you hear triple A, do you think. Car towing service or do you think Area Agency on Aging. I know in the past I thought car towing. Area Agency on aging. Every state has them, every area has them, So triple A that's a good place to start. Just go online, do a search and go into. Google, go into AI and say, hey, what's the Triple A agency in my area.

35:26 You will then be pointed to sub. Services that are part of your state's Area Agency on Aging. These are early level research projects. I know, I'm giving everybody like homework. Right, here's your homework assignment this morning, students, You're going to pick one item. And research it. You're going to do a quick search on area agencies on aging, and you're going to do a quick search on AARP caregiver resource guides. But the first thing you're going to do is start it. Keep you real caregiving that substack dot com and then go to those. But within all of that you will find pointers, because again there's no one size fits all. You know, you may be caring for a spouse, you may be caring for an elderly relative, you might be caring for a relative with a disability, or a friend. You may be thinking about your own care. Statistically, there are a lot of single individuals in our country, and you know, we think the question who's going to take care of me?

36:39 And I think that question quite often, which. Is also one of the reasons why I advocate, because I think, oh, oh, my mom had. Me, but I don't have me when I get my mom's age. So I have to think ahead and plant appropriately and know how to protect myself. Yes, absolutely, And I want to say to the audience aa ARP is a wonderful resource for information. Don't be embarrassed that you've hit the team. You need to be happy. Guess what we get benefits, We get discounts.

37:21 But not only that, you get informed. And that is so important is to be informed, and you can get that information. That's how I, you know, was able to get a clear understanding about you know, making plans and different things about what to do when I get to that point, or what to do for an aging parent or spouse or whatever. And I really, you know, I had an opportunity to find that information on AARP and it's so thorough and so complete, and it's like, oh, this is just wonderful information. And I love informing the audience.

38:03 And so I thought, this is something we need to give to you because you are going to be in this situation at some point in time. You're going to have to deal with aging. Yes, and we're all agent part of life, they're all aging. You have two choices, everybody. Yes, you either continue aging and you get older, and you continue aging and you get. Older, or you're not here at all. Okay, those are your two choices, right, So I'm going to say you want choice number one, But that then means you will age and you will have different challenges in different realities.

38:43 Yes, the sooner that you. Accept that and really start doing your homework, doing your research. And it's not easy, right, it is absolutely. Not easy, but there are key steps that you can start to put into place for yourself. And keep in mind that every single family and person it's different, right, because you're looking at different different norms within the family, you're looking at different finances, you're looking at different cultural backgrounds and needs, so all of those can dictate how you move forward within this journey. And looping back to that idea of are you a caregiver and that you need that support too.

39:34 There are many different cultural groups that. Not in a million years would you think about ever not being the person who cares for your aging parent. And that is wonderful, but that doesn't mean you can ignore yourself, right, So it's still important to accept that you're a caregiver and then reach out for those services quite often. And I'll say I was guilty of this. If you're a type a person, you think, eh, I'm strong, i can do it, I can handle it all on my own. I'm good. And despite all of the. Information that I learned in this journey, it wasn't until I Finally I went to my area agency on aging, my local community organization that was.

40:26 Part of the Triple A, and I had a consultation meeting because I thought, man, if maybe I just need a few more hours of support in between what I already had in place. And as I filled out the forums, and I remember the day, the young lady was asking me. She said, well, just tell me what your day looks like. This is a question. And once I started explaining what. I did from the time I got up until the time I went to bed, and how many years I've been doing that, she. Looked at me and she said, you need some help. You realize that, right, And I just started crying because it hit me and I thought, oh, my goodness, how have I been doing this? And that was with help, and that was accepting that I was a caregiver, but there was still that much extra emotional aspect to it.

41:15 You know, we haven't even talked about the medical side of If you're caring for somebody who's not just aging but has a medical condition, a whole different level of advocacy. It's place, does your loved. One have Alzheimer's or another type of dementia, complete different type of caregiving, and quite often what we tend to see is that services will treat conditions, but they won't treat the people facing those conditions right right right, So you know, I had to learn everything I could about diabetes because my mother was diabetic. But I also had to learn as much as I could about her Parkinson's disease because she had Parkinson's. So it wasn't just caregiving, and it wasn't just the advocacy. It was learning all these little nuances. And by the time I said goodbye to my mother, I think I had several Again, I had several doctors say to me, are you a nurse, And I said, no, I've just been caring for my mother for five years, having.

42:28 To be lifting. So I had to understand medications. I had to understand how those medications affected her. I had to understand what that meant once she was in a facility. So many layers of things that I like to say, you don't know what you don't know family caregiving that. Can be It's critical that we try to figure out what we don't know. Yes, yes, yes, that. Is having these conversations and reaching out to people, and no question is off limits. Or out of bounds because someone out there probably has dealt with it.

43:12 And the wonderful thing about our world. Now is that we have all of these wonderful tech connections, and we have social media, and we have ways to engage with people to be able to just ask questions. It's lived experience. So again, we're not doctors, we're not nurses, we're not lawyers, we're not accountants, but we've lived in so we can at least talk about it and guide people as to some of the key things that they can look at and start to research. Well, one of the things, like you were mentioning, because we are maybe the child or the sibling or whatever, we want to be the one to go in and assist with that care and to help with that care.

44:00 But at some point in time it becomes overwhelming and there are warning signs that you're starting to get burnout. What shouldn't they be doing those that are trying to do caregiving and we all are going to all do that, but then there's a time where we have to say no, no, no, you know, what should they be doing when they reach that burnout or even notice that they're starting to burn out? Yeah, and again, there's no one size fits all. But it's so important to. Accept that you don't have to be a superman or a superwoman, right And that brings up a good point too.

44:45 You know. Still traditionally people think caregivers women, it's men, it's women, it's older, it's younger. It covers all demos of our population right now, it is so important to reach out for help and understand that that help may come in different forms. Asking for help in any amount does not mean that you don't love your loved one. It doesn't mean that you're weak or that you haven't done the right things. It needs that you are being very cognizant of the fact that what you're looking at is a little bit overwhelming. I would encourage anybody to again reach out to your triple A. There are services available to that depending on if you have a primary care doctor.

45:37 You're probably attached to some sort of hospital or clinic. Reach out to the clinic and ask if they have a support group. Quite often your local clinics will have something like that. Check your local libraries. Quite often there are organic groups that pop up and it's specifically for this topic of just sharing information and contacts support your caregiver. Resource guides throughout each state are slightly different. And within yourself. Again, take off the Superwoman cave, take off the Superman cave.

46:18 Look around your circle and say, Okay, if today's Tuesday, and I know on Wednesdays, I need to go to the pharmacy and pick up medications for mom or dad or friend, but I have all these other things to do, and I'm not going to have time for all. Maybe it's asking a friend and say, hey, listen, are you going to the grocery store anytime this week? Can I give you my list and have you grab me a few things, because you might. Not be able to give up the idea of you know, you might have to be able to take care of prescriptions yourself, but these. Other things, you know, delegating. Is there something that you can take off your plate that you could ask for help? Quite often people will say, well, other family members should help more. I have an article called Vanishing Sibling Syndrome which was one of my favorite articles and also a personal sense that rather than asking for help, people sometimes just let it do that other people aren't offering to help. Remember, if you're in the thick of caregiving, you see it, you live it. Those around you may not really understand what you're going through.

47:32 The chances are they unless they've lived it, they don't. Including family members, I encourage people to not expect or anticipate other family to just jump in. You have to explain to. Them what help do you need and understand that you might not get the answer you want or the answer you hope for, and that's. Okay, right. Maybe you have a one who says I just don't have the emotional capacity or the time to handle this, okay. Rather than using your energy to be mad at that person, maybe you say, all right. What can you help with? Can you maybe help me with again groceries?

48:18 Maybe you can help by chipping in X dollars a month so I could hire someone for. Two hours a day. Maybe you could set aside one day a week to do zoom calls with our loved one. Whatever that is. Think outside the box so that it can give you windows. Of opportunity to take a break for you, right, because if you burn out and get more down and get sick and statistically, studies show that caregivers have a higher incident of having our own health issues. All we're caring for and afterwards from the stress and the strain that's been internalized. So important to look at your big picture and then say, okay, where could I possibly ask for help?

49:11 And don't be afraid to ask for it? Good. Tell our audience how to get in touch with you and the information that you are able to provide and get your newsletter and substacks, but all of that. Super super easy. Keeping it real caregiving And that title came from just thinking about, you. Know, keeping it real. I wanted to talk about the things that you never see in commercials, right, and I thought. I sat down and I thought one day of all the things that I had learned while caring for my mom, and.

49:52 I thought, keeping it real, that's what I want to do. I want to help people learn aspects that we don't ever hear about. So you can find me on my substack Keeping It Realcaregiving dot substack dot com. It's a free publication. Although I do accept paid subscriptions as a support. I don't believe that this information should be behind a paywall, so paid subscriptions are appreciated. I am so appreciative Angela for being here. I have five years where the content on my substack because I started writing about three months after my mom passed.

50:36 While I was in it, I wanted to share stories, but I didn't have the capacity. I didn't have the bandwidth. And then afterwards that was my way of sorting through this grief and loss, of saying goodbye to my mom. But I also knew that I had absolutely zero regrets because I went above and beyond and did everything I could plus some to care for her and give her a good final chapter. My wish in all of this is that everybody could have been cared for the way. Miss Nelly was. Yes, and that's what we're trying, you know. And so in order to do that, we all have to be advocates.

51:17 We have to learn how the system works. We have to reach out. To our legislators and let and tell them these things, write letters support, get involved with an advocacy group. And I encourage everyone and not to be political people, but we in this space of aging and caregiving, you absolutely must understand policy over party. Yes, the one thing. That connects all of us, regardless of our beliefs, is that we are getting older. Our nation is getting older, and we still.

51:57 Are sorely ill prepared for an aging population. So no policies that we put in place will make a difference for what our futures look like. So we absolutely have to understand what's happening in our individual communities and then get involved, because that is absolutely well. I want to thank you so much for joining us today and all of this wonderful information, and I want to thank our audience for joining us and be sure that you get in touch with this information so that you can be able to care for your loved ones.

52:39 We're a Sharp Outlook. We're here every Monday at eleven am Eastern time eight am Pacific time. We're here to give you information so you can have your best self and have a great business. And the one thing we do here is make sure that you stay informed. I want to thank you for joining us on a Sharp Outlook. We have been informed and energized to take the next steps. We have posted links to websites and videos to learn more on today's topic. Please join us again next week or another thought provoking conversation right here on k for HD radio and talk for TV.

53:28 Listen to the podcast on all the podcast apps, and until next week, stay informed.